


Past Is Prologue

by LLN3dseestheLight



Series: The Begining Is The End [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alternate Universe, BAMF Xander Harris, F/M, Female Xander Harris, Gen, Gender Issues, Gender or Sex Swap, Humor, Hyena Xander Harris, M/M, Multi, Mystical Sex Changes are a thing, ProNoun Misuse, Slow burn to Xander/Spike, Time Travel, Xander Harris-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-08
Updated: 2015-09-22
Packaged: 2018-04-19 18:46:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 21
Words: 29,050
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4757030
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LLN3dseestheLight/pseuds/LLN3dseestheLight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Xander makes a deal with the Powers That Be. He gets send back in time but some changes are made...It's not so much about changing the events of the past, Xander will find, but letting the past change you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> The tags will changes as I update so please watch them. This is my fic from TTH I'm editing and rewriting parts of it. But be warned it will still be unbetaed so there will be misspelled words and things. I'm also separating it in to small stories for a series.

 " _ **You are the only one that can do this,"** _ the Oracles intone together, " _ **The only one who's destiny was never set..."**_

Xander Harris couldn't believe what the two people in the togas had told him. The Slayers that had been active were what had destroyed the balance between good and evil. Yeah, ok, so some of the girls really, shouldn't have become Slayers. Xander knew not every girl was cut out to be a Slayer, Faith's fall...Lilith's insanity and...well, Buffy wasn't the best role model for the Slayers but she was all they had. 

Cordelia had emailed Xander telling him about them before she had died so suddenly.

Xander shook his head to clear away that thought. What he really didn't believe was that these Oracles, thought Xander was the only one who could save the world.

That made a sense... that just didn't.

He was so going to screw things up, he just knew it. The Oracles said they would send him back before the dark times. When Xander still believed that Good won over Evil. That the Fates weren't needlessly cruel and that Destiny wasn't a cold hearted bitch or that they hadn't just been Fortune's Fools.

The Oracles wanted him, Xander Harris the self-proclaimed King of Cretins to be the hero of this tale? It made Drusilla look sane with that idea!

"It's not going to work!" Xander told them, "Look how well I did before!"

The Oracles exchanged a looked with each other and sighed; they had known Xander was going to be a hard sell but they were not going to give up.

 _"You have made mistakes in the past, true..."_ The Female said, her blue skin and gold skin shining in the white light of the temple.

 _"You have come to terms with your mistakes, learning from them."_ The Male said, his gold and blue skin glowing in the white light of the temple.

" _ **Become our champion..."**_

 _"...To save your past,"_ said the Female.

 _"...and to change our future!"_ said the Male.

Xander knew it couldn't be that easy. It never was but he also knew he take this chance to save his broken girls, his family. The past had left it's scars on all of them, Xander reached up and adjusted his eye patch, some  were just more noticeable than others. It was so bad that none of them could stand to be on the same continent as any of the others. They were all scattered across the world...

 _"Be warned there is a price,"_ said the Female.

 _There always is,_ Xander thought.

" _You must save the souled vampire,"_ the Male said, while the Female glared at him.

" _You will be given recall of what happened in Sunnydale but be warned,"_ the Female said, " _Some things **can** not be changed."_

_" **We trust that you will know the difference..."**_

So, he'd have to help Deadboy, great. Angel must have really fucked up what ever he was doing in order for the Oracles to ask this. Xander wondered if he would ever get that guy out of his life. It was bad enough last he hear Dawn was dating Angel's son, Connor. And how was it even possible for Deadboy to even have a _kid?_

_" **Do you** wish **to become our Champion?"**_

There was something about the wording of that phrase that struck Xander as odd. Something that teased the back of his mind, something important? But Xander was eager to begin, to change things, so he ignored it.

"I wish..."

" ** _Done!"_**

Before Xander could curse his foolishness, his Anya had _taught_ him better than that. A white light surrounded him and he was gone. The two Oracles glared at each other before dropping the glamours they had been wearing.

Cordelia Chase sighed she had known Tara McClay hadn't agreed with this plan but it was the only path left open to them.

"Do you think Xander can do this?" Tara asked, concerned for her friend.

Cordelia nodded, "With the changes that have been put in to play? I think so. Xander...he has _always_ been able to surprise everyone. There is a reason why through out the multi-verse the Powers tremble at his name."

Tara only nodded in agreement.


	2. Changes Have Been Made

Xander blinked as the bright light faded away and he found himself sitting at a familiar table. Looking slowly around he saw he was in the Sunnydale High School library, the four people staring at him looked just like he remembered them. Giles was young and wearing a tweed suit holding some old tome in his hand, mouth slightly open. Willow, her hair was long and a dark crimson, she was also dressed in an ugly swear and plain brown shirt, sitting at the computer with a surprised look on her face. Buffy sat on the table next to Xander, her hair dark blonde, falling below her shoulders, fashionable dressed as always. She looked carefree as she spun a stake between her finger her eyes wide as she looked at him. 

And, yes, there was Deadboy brood-lurking in the shadowy corner of the library.

Yep, he was back.

 _But why are they all staring at me?_ Xander wondered. No one spoke, you could almost hear crickets in the background, it was so quiet. Finally he just had to ask,

"What?" Xander frowned, that didn't _sound_ like him.

"Xander, stay calm, okay?"' Buffy said in a soothing tone, the kind that you use on a frighten animal. He blinked owlishly at her in confusion. Of course he was calm. He had just been sent back in time. All he had to look forward to was really bad reality TV and getting killed on the Hellmouth!

Xander looked over at Willow when she started to babble, "Weweresittingherelookingforthisweeksdemon. Thenthislightsurroundedyou.You'reagirl.Don'tpanic,we'llturnyoubackandfindwhodidthistoyou!" Willow said that so fast. Xander was a bit out of practice with Willow-babble he almost missed what she said.

Almost.

"I'M A WHAT?" Xander yelled jumping up and ran into Giles office. He looked into the mirror, one that Xander vague remembered Buffy hanging in there for her make up touch ups.

A girl looked back at him. 

That couldn't be right! This was so wrong. Mirrors were evil! Everyone knew that. They lied all the time! You could never believe what they showed you. Point in fact the one in Snow White lied or at least didn't tell the whole truth. So, this mirror obviously couldn't be trusted. Xander nodded at the thought and saw the girl in the mirror do the same.

Xander sighed, was one of the changes the Powers That Be made? _Awesome._ Sadly, he understood why the Powers made him a girl. He would be less likely to be ruled by his hormones...in theory anyway. Xander knew that girls were just as hormonal as boys; hell they were ruled by their hormones, girls just hid it better than guys did.

The reflection in the mirror was truly stunning, long curly, dark locks of brown hair that fell in waves around her face, down to midway her back. Pouty lips that could smile in a wolfish grin...if she were smiling, which she wasn't, because _he_ wasn't. It was the eyes, and yes there were _two_ of them, that caught you. Long dark lashes, he knew most girls would kill for, the color was the same dark chocolate color he remember his to be, but they had an older and wiser look to them. These eyes had seen much, they also had the under tone of something wild and almost feral in them. Xander glanced down at his body and wished he hadn't. It was curvy, he had curves in all the right places-no heroin chic for the Xan-man, no sir.

This was what he would look like if he were a girl.

 _But so **not** a girl... I'm a guy...with guy parts! Not girl parts! And..and oh, god babbling in my head...have to stop. _Xander thought closing his eyes and taking a deep breath, hoping when he opened them the reflection would be his own.

It wasn't, he saw when he opened his eyes. The girl in the mirror stared back at him sadly.

It was just too much for him to deal with so he did the most reasonable thing for a person in his position could do.

In the outer library the others still confused by what they had seen, looked toward the office door when they heard a shrill scream and a loud crash of shattering glass.

Buffy sighed spinning her stake in her hand and commented, "Xander took that better than I thought he would."

***

"Fucking Powers That Be," Xander muttered in his new girl's voice. His voice was low and husky, the type he would have found sexy, if it wasn't now _his own_ voice. Hadn't he been surrounded by enough women in his life? That to make him into one was just beyond cruel. The others were talking about him among themselves, as if he wasn't there and it annoyed him.

"So, I'm a girl."

After he...err...she...had come out of Giles office Xander had discovered it was just a few days after Angel was found out to be a vampire.

"I'm a girl, now." Xander repeated hoping if he said it enough it would turn out not to be true. _This proves it,_ he thought, _The Powers That Be **do** have a sense of humor and it was a warped one at that._

So, I'M A GIRL,NOW!!!"

"He's not getting over that any time soon, is she?" buffy asked her tongue-in-cheek way. That at one time Xander had found cute. But right now? It just annoyed the hell out of him.

"I think he's in shock," Giles said taking off his glasses to polish them.

"We can change her...him back, right?" Willow asked.

Xander shuddered at the thought of Willow doing any sort of magic on him. _Goddess, Don't let her try any mojo on me. Some of the things she would want to do would end up killing me!_

"I..I don't think we can," Angel said softly from his dark corner, saving the day or at least Xander. "Nor do I think we are meant too." At the looks of confusion Angel continued, "That light... It wasn't evil. It felt powerful and pure. I don't think it's something we should mess with not with out a _lot_ of research. The reaction my demon had to that light..."

"What?" Giles asked.

"It wanted far away from that light."

"Is that why you are cowering in the shadows, Deadboy?" Xander could help but ask the dark vampire.

"Xander!" Willow hissed. Xander shrugged, looking away. It's not like he never said what he thought before. But for some reason slamming Deadboy wasn't bringing the usual giggle to his heart.

"I'm a girl now." Xander said softly but far from acceptingly.

"Yes, Xander, we know." Buffy said patting his shoulder, like he was a child and a very stupid one at that. Anger rose from the darkest places in Xander's mind and heart. How many times had Buffy treated him like that? It didn't matter that _this_ Buffy wasn't _that_ Buffy, just that it was _Buffy_ treating him that way. Xander acted on instinct and something else. Xander grabbed the hand that was on his shoulder and in a smooth judo move, flipped the Slayer over his shoulder and into a wall. it was only do to her Slayer reflexes that Buffy wasn't hurt.

"Oh, dear lord," said the master of understatement, when Giles noticed that Xander's eyes were glowing a bright demonic green. Like they had when he had been possessed by the Hyena Primal.

Xander could _feel_ **IT** in him now; his anger, his darkness had awoke **IT.** The thing that plagued his nightmares, inspired his darkest fantasies for so long. But there was something different about **IT** now. No longer did **IT** want total control. **IT** was willing to share, knowledge and power in exchange **IT** wanted to be able to feel as Xander did. The Hyena giggle softly in the back of his mind.

Xander sighed, _so this was other change,_ he thought as he dropped his head into his hands. He really should have seen this coming, _this deal is getting worse all the time._ _Damn,_ he wondered, _if he was gay now, cause female hyenas are the alphas of their packs or if he was still straight because Xander was sure he still liked girls, but he was a girl now so would have make him gay? Oh god! He was confusing himself with his own babbling!_

"I don't think you should worry about that right now, Xander." Giles told him softly as the others looked on Xander with verying degrees of concern.

 _Oh, god!_ He had said that out loud! His head hurt.

_Have to stop._

**_Have to stop._ **

**_HAVE TO STOP!_ **

Then Xander took a shock-induced nap...in other words he fainted.

 

 


	3. Changes Have Been Made 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Female Xander Harris-resembles-Jessica Alba-Dark Angel Era.
> 
> Jessica Harris-resembles-Brooke Burns-(as a brunette).

An hour later Xander stood in front of his house. He was never going to live down what happened in the library. Giles had told him to go home, that things would be better in the morning. How Giles thought Xander was going to hide the fact that  he'd, had a mystical sex change, from his parents? Xander really wanted to know. The girls wanted him to meet them at the Bronze later, he really didn't want to but knew he would never hear the end of it if he didn't go.

Xander's house was a small two story that need a new paint job and the lawn needed to be mowed. It was just the way he remembered it, with ornate carved crossed on the porch posts. The garlic plants planted around the house weren't dying, like they had been before _._  There were no beer cans in the yard and it was _so_ quiet. It shouldn't be. It was still early an yet, there was no yelling or screaming coming from the house. Maybe Xander would be lucky and his rents had killed each other? But no, he's not that lucky. No, this would be the day they both would be sober. Xander walked up the porch and unlocked the door and went into the house.

 Stopping dead in shock.

 _This is not my house..._  Xander thought looking around at all the clean surfaces. There were no beer cans or trash in the floor. The house was clean, lived in but _clean._ And there was no fat drunken slob sitting on the couch in front of the TV throwing things at it. No drunken man claiming not to be Xander's father in a loud voice the moment he saw Xander nor a shrill equally drunken woman screaming that them to just up.

"That you, Xander?" a female voice called out from the kitchen.

"Mom?" Xander whispered unsure, because it sounded like it was her. How she did when he was younger, before Tony Harris started to drink really bad. Before his mother gave up hope and joined him. He cleared his throat and called back warily, "Mom?"

"In the kitchen."

In the...Well, Xander was going to call it the _Before._ He had been sure that his mother wasn't even aware that the house even had a kitchen but as Xander walked into it he saw a woman standing at the stove, stirring something in a pot that smelled _really good._  His stomach growled loudly, making his mother laugh.

"Well, at least I know my effort won't go to waste." his mother said turning to face him, she was young looking, her hair was almost black in color, she had it pulled back into a braid that fell almost to her waist. She also had streaks of slivery-white hair at both her temples. Her eyes were the same color as Xander's, she was pretty in that vague older hottie kind of way...Xander shook his head clearing _that_ thought out of his mind.

Xander had very dim memories of _this_ version of his mother.

"Is something wrong?" her mother asked frowning at her, "You are looking at me as if you have never seen me before. I know it's rare but I have cooked a meal, honey."

 _I really haven't,_ Xander thought, _Why are you going along with this...You have a son not a daughter! Is this another change? Or have I always been a girl to you?_ If so that would make his life a bit easier not having to explain about how he became a she. But would be a whole other headache if he was in alternate universe instead of just the past as well.

"Sorry," Xander sighed out, "It's just been one of those days, you know?"

Jessica Harris nodded, her girl had been acting oddly ever since Jesse McNally ran away from home. Xander had been so sad almost as if she had been mourning a death. Jessica knew not to push Xander, she would talk when she was ready. Xander resemble Jessica's sister so much, it wasn't funny and not just in looks. "Set the table and we'll eat." She told her daughter, who gave her a wary glance but did as she was told.

Soon they were eating the stew Jessica had cooked and it still amazed Xander that his mother had _cooked._ "So how was your day?" Xander asked trying to distract her mother from whatever question she had been about to ask.

"Night Shift at the hospital, Xander. You know how it is," Jessica said with a shrug.

 _That's right,_ Xander thought, _before she started drinking with dad. Mom had been a nurse. That could come in handy._ After they had finished eating Xander did the dishes without being asked. Which made his mother give him the stink eye. He just finished when his mother said,

"Do your homework before you go out with Willow and...what was her _name_ again?"

"Buffy, mom."

"Why would someone _name_ their child that?"

It was a good question but one Xander always wondered about silently. He just shrugged as a reply.

"Crew few at nine o'clock."

Xander nodded, drying the last dish, wondering why he had such an early crew few. It was Friday night.

Xander watched Jessica as she gather her things for work but before his mother could leave he called out. "Be careful. Stay in well lit areas, okay?"

Jessica stopped, wondering at the advice and gave Xander a look, thinking that she has a very thoughtful daughter, then she left for work.

Xander went up to his room shortly. It was almost the same as he had kept it in the _Before,_ he was still a Sci-Fi geek, his comics were the same and there were a few romance novels, which he had in the _Before_ as well.The posters were equally cheesecake as well as beefcake but since they were Anime, and Movie posters so that was just normal. They were all his favorites so he could live with them.

His clothes...were a mix of girly-girly and tomboy but the really girly things like the skirts and dresses never looked like they had been woren. He did find one treasure though. A black leather knee length jacket that had been stuck in the back of his closet, it had a deep inside pockets and a strong lining to it. Xander could make it Hellmouth ready by adding loops for stakes and daggers. Wooden stakes he could come by easy, getting the daggers might be a problem.

The shower Xander took in order to get ready to go to the Bronze is something Xander will never speak of, _ever._ He wasn't sure how he made it through it without fainting again or panicking, but he did and that was the most important thing. Putting on girl's underwear was complicated though.

 _I could call the girls..._ Xander shuddered at the thought of all the teasing he would have to go through, _no, just no._

Once he was dressed in a pair of black jeans, a dark blue t-shirt and a pair of steel toed Doc Martins she has found under his bed. The black leather coat completed his look. Xander looked into the floor length mirror on his bedroom wall, the girl in it looked hot, but unhappy. Xander turned away from the sight. Leaving his bedroom.

Xander just hoped Buffy and Willow didn't treat him like he had always been a girl. He just didn't think he could handle that.

He's go crazy and wouldn't be able to save the world.

And that just wasn't an option.


	4. Changes Have Been Made 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Di-log transcripts from BuffyWorld,com

The Bronze was just as Xander remembered it. Crushed full of teenagers and young adults trying to be cool, mediocre music, loud and dark the best sort of feeding grounds for vampires on the prowl. When he met up with his girls he asked,

"I haven't always been a girl, have I?"

They looked at him and it was _that_ look, the one that said he had lost what little sense he had. Willow shook her head and said that he had been a guy up until a few hours ago. Buffy wanted to know why he asked that question so he told them about his mother.

"Wiggy," Buffy said.

"Way Wiggy," Williow agreed.

As they went deeper into the club he saw the sign.

 _That far back?_ Xander wondered. "Ah, the post-fumigation party."

Buffy looked confused asking, "Okay, what's the difference between this and the pre-fumigation party?"

"More hardier cockroaches." Xander told her with a smirk. Buffy mock shuddered.

"So, no word on Angel?" Willow asked continuing a conversation with Buffy that the girls had started before Xander had showed up.

Buffy shook her head.

"No, today was the first time I had seen him since the whole Darla thing... and he wanted to know about some demon. It's weird though I still feel like he's looking out for me. As they walked over to a table Xander saw it the same time Willow did, Angel stepping into a pool of light from the overhead lights as he stared at Buffy.

"Well," Willow said, "he sort of is...in the way he's right over there!" Buffy looked over to where Willow pointed.

Xander knew what was going to happen and had no wish to see it again. Willow sighed at the two would be lovers. Xander walked away from the saga that was Angel/Buffy, over to the bar instead, growling at the bartender. He was surprised he got a Coke and Jack in return from the fearful bartender. He headed up to the catwalk and looked down at all the stupid teens dancing along with demons. Xander wondered how he had been in the dark for so long until Buffy had come to Sunnydale. He downed his drink in one go, coughing a little, then set the glass on the rail of the catwalk, he folded his arms over it and looked down at Angel/Buffy.

"My overgelled hair almost didn't survive!" Xander mocked Angel, Xander could see the vampire tense up, Xander wondered if Angel had actually heard him. Not that he cared or anything.

"Oh, my poor dark darling!" Xander mocked Buffy.... The music in the Bronze swelled and the two bellow him could no longer deny their passion and they share the typical story book kiss.

Xander dropped his head onto his arms, "My life so sucks," he whispered. When he looked back at the dance floor he saw Angel staring stupidly after Buffy. He sighed and walked down the stairs to the dance floor, the ones that Deadboy liked to lurk under. Xander went up to the vampire noticing the burnt mark of a cross on his chest. "You should take care of that," Xander said flatly.

'Huh?' the great conversationalist said, Xander reached out and poked the burn mark. Making Angel flinch in pain, hissing out, "Oh, that will heal in a few hours."

Xander was not impressed, "You are an idiot. Whoever heard of a vampire in love with a Slayer? That can't end well." _It won't end well,_ he thought.

Angel said nothing but gave Xander that look, you know, the one that said Xander had, had _one_ too many head injuries.

Xander hated that look.

"I'm bored," Xander said grabbing Angel by the arm an pulling him towards the door of the Bronze, "Let's go hunting."

"For what?" Angel asked confused  The remark earned Angel the _are you stupid_ look from Xander.

"Do you even _have_ a stake?" Angel questioned the newly made girl.

Xander snorted and retorted with, "Is this the _Hellmouth?"_

***

It was just before sunrise when Xander got home. He and Angel had dusted some vamps, shared some quips, and...Xander still didn't like Deadboy. It had taken seven years, the end of the world, and a mystical sex change in order for Angel to be impressed by Xander's fighting skills. If Xander had really been sixteen, that would at one time have meant a lot. Now? Xander just didn't care. _Xander_   was impressed by his new found fighting skills. Not that he had been bad, but now he was way better. 

Xander had learned that Angel was more than a broody-shadowy guy. He was also a Red Socks fan. Who knew, right?

 _Maybe things will be different this time. Maybe Deadboy and I can be friends?_ The Oracles had said some things could be changed and Xander knew Buffy and Angel got short shifted. He yawned crawling into bed, trying to get comfortable as he closed his  eyes,  _Things can only get better..._

Xander's eyes snapped open as he bolted up right in bed, remembering this was the Hellmouth and that things could only get _worse._

 

 

 


	5. Our Friendship Will Be The Stuff Of Legends...

A day later Xander was standing in front of the weapons cage, he had a jewel inlaid hilted dagger in his hand with a quick motion of his wrist he whirled it around watching it spinning, "Mmmm, sharp and shiny..." He cooed, stopping it and testing the sharpest of it with a finger tip.

"Let's stay away from the sharp objects," Giles said staking the dagger away from her, causing Xander to pout. The girls sat at a nearby table snickering or giggling over something Willow was talking about when they were suppose to be studying.

"Do I really have to do this?" Xander whined at Giles.

"Yes, Xander. We need to find out what the reappearance of the Primal is doing to you. So we can figure out what it _will_ do to you. And how much control over these new strengths, if you have any at all, you will have. We must find out just what you are capable of."

"I'm capable of quite a bit." Xander muttered to which Giles ignored. Xander could see from the man's expression she wasn't getting out of this. "Fine. What are we doing?"

"Staffs." Giles said bring a pair over to him.

Xander frowned, "I'm much better with an axe." But Giles looked unconvinced of that, but threw one of the staffs at him anyways.

Xander caught it easily.

"Aim for his legs, Xan." Buffy said with a grin.

Xander smiled back as he got into a fighting stance, closing his eyes.

While beginning a warm up kata that surprised Giles.

 _Watching Slayers, Deadboy and the Blond Menace for all those years had been good for something._ Xander thought has he gave the staff an idle spin. _I'm fast and strong but Giles is well trained, I'll have to be clever._

When the girl opened  her eyes they were glowing green, startling Giles. He knew he was out matched before a single blow was landed by eigher of them, as they clashed staffs one of the hits landed on Giles chest causing the man to stagger back. Giles aimed a blow for the girl's knees but she easily evaded.

"You'll have to do better than that," Xander taunted the older man. For each blow landed one was returned or countered. Ten minutes this went on until Xander started to giggle in a way that cause everyone in the room to shudder. The sound chilling them to the bone from some primal fear that they couldn't place. Xander sounded far to much like real hyena for their comfort. That was when Giles knew Xander was playing with him. That the newly made girl could have beaten him at anytime. Pride and anger warred in Giles as he shouted,"ENOUGH!"

Xander paused in mid-strike, "What?" He had been having fun.

Giles frowned, "Why didn't you end it quickly?"

"Because it was fun?" Xander asked giving Giles the _duh_ look, "Weren't you having fun? I mean, when was the last time someone put you through your paces like that? Fighting someone who is an equal or better? So you can test yourself? Maybe even have the joy of beating them?"

Giles sighed, the gir-Xander was right, though he hated to admit it, "Just don't do that on patrols."

"Never do, G-man, I leave the vamp baiting for Buffy. She does is so much better than I do."

"Xander!" Buffy hissed.

"Buffy is the Slayer and as such she can face a vampire as an equal in speed and strength. While you..." Giles trailed off that Xander's flashing, glowing eyes and angry expression. Xander threw down the staff hard enough that it snapped in half and stormed out of the library, brushing past the dark haired computer teacher that just walked in.

Buffy looked at Giles and asked, pointing at the broken staff, in concern, "Is that coming out of your paycheck?"

***

Xander was standing in the quad leaning on the staircase, absent listening to one of her fellow students complain about the files on his computer. Xander shook his head at the complainer as Willow walked past. Xander waved by Willow seemed to be lost in her own little world so that when Xander walked up behind her and covered her eyes she squeaked in surprise, "Guess who?"

"Xander?"

Xander sighed and dropped her hands from Willow's eyes. Sometimes the redhead was just no fun. "You saw right through my petty little charade." then asked, "Are we still going to the Bronze tonight?"

Willow shook her head, "Not me. Going to call it an early night. Malcolm is suppose to chat with me tonight on the computer."

"Lucky you. "

"I know, right! He's so sweet!"

"You know you're going to miss out on so fun, right? I'm going to make fun of all the guys that hit on me." Xander said cheerfully.

"That's nice. Have a good time with that." Willow said walking away already thinking about Malcolm.

Buffy walked up to Xander a few moments later frowning, "Larry, just checked you out."

Xander paled, she didn't need a gay football player hitting on her. Not that anyone but him knew that Larry was gay. Xander didn't think even _Larry_   knew he was gay, yet. "I didn't need to know that. In fact don't ever tell me anything like that again."

Buffy shrugged, "You do know that you are now one of the school's prettiest girls, right? From what I've heard you rank above Harmony but below me. When _are_ you going to start dating?" A Smirk crawled across the blonde girl's face as they walked through the quad.

Xander sighed. _So, it begins..._ "Can we _not_ do this?'

"But it's so _entertaining!"_

"Buffy, I have enough problems without adding dating to the whole Girl-Boy confusion thing I have going on right now."

Buffy nodded, "So if boys are out, hey do you like girls?"

"Buffy."

"Because that's okay..."

" _Buffy!"_

Buffy snickered then to change the subject said, "Willow certainly looked perky."

"Yeah, color in her cheeks, a bounce in her step ...a dreamy look in her eyes," Xander shook his head, "I don't like it." He stopped to face the other girl, "You going to the Bronze-"at the look on Buffy's face," no, Bronze, huh. Of course not. You have vamps to slay or something lame like that." Xander threw up his arms, dramatically, "Always deserted."

"Look at he jealous man...err..woman!" Buffy said, smiling.

"What?"

"Willow's got a thing and Xander's left hanging."

"I'm not interested in Willow like that," Xander exclaimed, _No, I learned from that mistake. No Willow lustage for me. And no one will land on rebar._ Xander thought.

"...Ball."

Xander caught the last of what Buffy said. "No. It's not like that. This Malcolm guy. Tell me you aren't worried."

Buffy gave a slow, unsure nod at that, "Okay, a little. I mean not knowing who he is or what he likes? Wiggy."

"You hear about it all the time. People met over the Net. They talk, get together to have dinner, a show? Then an axe murder ensues." Xander told her.

Buffy's eyes widen, "He could be weird, old, or a crazy circus freak! Willow, axe murdered by a circus freak..."Buffy shakes her head to rid it of the foolishness thoughts, "What are we doing," Buffy hit Xander in the arm, "You get me started! We are over reacting, Willow will be fine." as she continued to class.

Xander frowned, sure that he was missing something.

***

Xander paced in the library after learning of that kid's attempt to kill Buffy, Dave had paid for that, with his own life when his plot backfired on him. But she still wanted to, "...Tear his heart out and eat it," she muttered.

Buffy pawed at her still smoking hair, as she gave Xander a dazed look, "You said, you don't do that anymore. That you are in controlllll-" Buffy leaned closer and asked in a mock whisper, "Your not going to try and mate with me again, are you?"

"Buffy!"

The Slayer sighed, "Dave tried to warn me."

"He set you up," Xander gave her a concerned look before asking Giles, "She's okay, right?"

"Well," Giles said not looking to sure, "She was only ground for a moment..."

"And," Buffy muttered, throwing a leg up on the table she was sitting at, looking mournfully at her shoe, "I ruined a premo pair of boots."

"Had she been anyone other than the Slayer..." Giles trailed off leaving the obvious unsaid. That if Buffy had been a normal girl she would have been dead.

Buffy got a worried look on her face, "Tell me the truth," she said softy, "How's my hair," she asked, touching it worriedly.

 _Really?_ Xander thought, then again it did look like Buffy had stuck her finger in a light socket. "Best hair, _ever."_ Xander lied with a small smirk. Giles just gave Xander the _look,_ and Buffy sighed in relief. Before telling them she didn't know why Dave would do something like that.

Giles had found out why and showed them the book **Moloch the** Corrupter should have been in.

"So a demon with horns is walking around Sunnydale and no one notices?" Buffy asked.

"It is the Hellmouth," Xander reminded her, "But if this guy is so powerful? Why would he need Dave? Why not attack Buffy directly?"

"I don't know! I don't know who could have even read the book! It's not in English!" Giles said.

A thought came to Xander or a memory more like, "Wasn't Willow and Miss Calendar scanning books into the online library? Giles, where was the book?'

"Uh..in a pile on the table with the others that got...uhm, scanned." Giles said slowly as if he realized just what had happened. "The scanner read the book and brought Moloch out as pure information."

"And that released the demon?" Buffy asked, still a bit loopy.

""No, he's not out here," Xander said slowly, walking towards the computer, _Puts a whole new twist on having a ghost in the machine,_ Xander thought but said, "He's in there," pointing at the computer.

"He went binary on us," Buffy whispered amazed.

"He's connected to every computer by it's modem.... He's everywhere" Xander whispered horrified, knowing how dependent the future was on their computers. He shook his head, not thinking about what could go wrong, again. They had beat this thing once before they could do it again. "Willow would have to have scanned it into a file." He said sitting down in front of the computer powering it up, then the icon appeared on the monitor.

"Maybe it can be deleted?" Buffy asked from over Xander's shoulder, "Which file do you think it is?" Looking at he icons confused.

Xander rolled his eyes, "The one that says Willow on it."

"Oh, right."

Before Xander could so much touch the mouse, Moloch's green skinned, horned face appeared on the monitor, Xander gave an exhale of fright and Buffy staggered back from Xander's chair.

" **STAY AWAY FROM WILLOW. SHE IS NONE OF YOUR BUSSINESS ANYMORE! YOU- &*(&^^%^$%$%#)_)&%$gjhgy%^$%^#"**

Then the screen suddenly goes dark.

"So that's what Malcolm looks like," Buffy muttered.

"Somehow I thought he would be uglier," Xander quipped worried about the danger his Wills was in.

***

After Willow's house turned out to be a bust Xander and Buffy decided that CDR, the abandon computer factory was the next most obvious place Moloch/Malcolm would be. Buffy jumped the fence surrounding CDR and Xander followed easily. Giles was back at he library looking for a spell that would put the demon back in the book.

Buffy was impressed with how Xander's new abilities helped her keep up with Buffy. It also stopped Buffy from worrying so much when Xander when on patrols with her. Xander could now take care of herself. And yes, Buffy thought of Xander as a girl now, it was just less confusing for her that way.

Xander looked around sniffing the air, in an animal-like way before she turned to Buffy and asked, "The back way?"

"The back way," Buffy agreed.

Once Buffy kicked open the back door they made their way into the building. They were both determined to find their Willow. When a security guard tried to stop them Buffy punch him, knocking the guy out. Xander looked down at the security monitors for all of the labs. "Uh, Buffy"

Buffy walked over to look at them too. She saw some guys in lab coats, others in the hallways around the lab, and in another she saw Willow and a giant... _robot?_

"That's her," Buffy whispered, Willow didn't look hurt only scared.

"And the want-to-be Ironman is Malcolm." Xander exchanged a look with Buffy, "Willow must be so disappointed."

 

 

 

 

 

 


	6. Our Friendship Will Be The Sutff Of Legends 2

Xander and Buffy ran down the hall after finding the door to the inner lab. Buffy tried to force the doors open but they wouldn't move. "It's heavy steel, I can't bust it."

"Then let's find another way in," Xander said looking around starting down the hall. When a red light came on and a alarm began to sound. Looking up Xander saw the video camera, "The building is computerized!" Xander realized as gas began to spray into the hallway; it made them both cough as they started to pound on the doors, getting them nowhere. Xander could feel the gas begin to make him tired.

"Buffy," Xander coughed, "we kick the door in on three." Buffy looked doubtful that would work but Xander said, "If we don't...we can't..." Xander shook her head as the gas started to take effect, "Willow needs us!"

Biffy nodded slowly, as they stood shoulder to shoulder.

"On three?" Buffy asked.

Xander nodded, exchanging a look with the Slayer.

**"THREE!"**

They kicked in the steel door. Buffy ran in and leaped up kicking Moloch. Xander closed the door behind him to keep out the gas, he saw that Buffy's kick landed on the robot demon's chest making it stagger back, as Buffy fell to the floor muttering how the guy was made of metal. A lab guy tried to grab Xander from behind, Xander struggled with him for a moment not wanting to hurt the guy.

Moloch began to scream suddenly, _Huh, Giles must have found the spell,_ Xander thought. Buffy grabbed Willow by the hand and pulled her out of the lab. Xander had enouhg of the grabby tech guy, punching him out, Xander's eyes glowed slightly. _I get to hit someone and no one is around to see it,_ Xander thought unhappily. Then Xander went to catch up with the girls, who had had been stopped by a set of doors at the end of the hall, by three guards.

"Let's find another way!" Buffy yelled.

 Just as Moloch bursts through the wall, he backhands Xander to the face causing her to fall to the floor. _Oh, look at the pretty stars...I wonder if they sing?_ Xander though dazed by the blow, when he saw Buffy slammed into the wall by the demon he tried to get up

" **I WAS OMNIPOTENT, I WAS EVERYWHERE! NOW, I AM TRAPPED IN THIS SHELL!"** Moloch screamed enraged reaching for Buffy's head when Willow called out Malcolm, the demon turned to look at her and Willow hit him with a fire extinguisher repeatedly.

"Remember me? Your girlfriend?" Willow hit him some more, "I think it 's time we broke up! But maybe we can still be _friends?"_ When Willow tried to hit the robot demon in the face Moloch grabbed the extinguisher and threw it to the floor before shoving Willow away from him. Willow tripped over Xander who had been trying to get to his feet and they both went down on too the floor.

Moloch swings back to Buffy, who was now on her feet, " **THIS BODY IS ALL I HAVE LEFT. BUT IT IS ENOUGH TO CRUSH YOU!"**

Buffy looked around for something she could use as a weapon, an idea? When she noticed the power box behind her, that would be ironic, with how it had tried to kill her with electricity. Slowly Buffy eases over until she is standing in front of it, "Take your best shot," she told Moloch.

The demon rears back taking a swing at the Slayer but Buffy ducks and Moloch hits the power box instead, shorting it out as high voltages of electricity flowed out of it and in to the demon. Buffy ran over to where Xander and Willow, as she and Xander crouched around to protect Willow as Moloch explodes.

His robot head lands in front of them.

***

The next day found our heroines sitting on the side of the fountain that was in the middle of the quad.

"The Bronze," Xander told the other two, "we are going."

Buffy shrugged, "Could be fun."

Xander smiled at her butt when he saw Willow's expression, "You remember fun right, Wills? It's that thing where you smile."

Willow seemed to shake herself mentally as she said, "Sorry. I've been thinking..."

"Malcolm?" Buffy asked, concerned.

Willow sighed heavily,"Malcolm, Moloch...whatever. The one boy I really liked? And he turns out to be a demon robot. What does that say about me?"

Xander sighed closing her eyes, _Soon Wills you will met a great guy, then you'll met a great girl...I know to much_ , Xander thought depressed.

"...Anything about you."

Xander caught the tail end of what Buffy said as he opened his eyes.

"I mean I really thought I was falling..." Willow broke off.

"Hey," Buffy aid softly, "did you forget? The one boy I have the hots for since I moved here? Turned out to be a _vampire."_

They looked at Xander, who shrugged most of his romantic follies hadn't happened yet, so he blamed the, "Mystical sex change," The girls seemed to accept that answer. Xander shrugged, and muttered fatalistically, "Life on the Hellmouth."

"Lets face it," Buffy said mock happily," Done of us are ever going to have a happy normal relationship."

Xander's eyes widened as she realized something she hadn't in the _Before, Oh by the Goddess! Buffy just cursed us! You don't say shit like that on the Hellmouth! It comes true!_ "We're Doomed," Xamder whimpered putting her hand over her eyes.

Buffy and Willow laughed until the realized it just wasn't that funny.

Only the gurgling of the fountain could be heard in the ensuing silent.

 

 


	7. Our Friendship Will Be The Stuff Of Legends 3

_It had been a bad week,_ Xander thought as he walked through town after dark. First he had to stay after school for detention. When he had knock Larry out for groping _her._ Snyder didn't approve of abusing the football players, as he put it. He hadn't even given Larry a concussion, in her thinking Larry had got off lightly.

Then Snyder roped him and the girls into the Talent Show, just because they had made fun of Giles!

There was something going on with Morgan and his pervy little puppet, Xander remembered...But he wasn't sure what. He did have the recall the Oracles promised but it was turning out to be spotty at best. _Worst deal ever!_

On a brigher note. He had convinced the girls that they should sing for the Talent Show. It had been something he knew they all could do and kind of do, okay? When a demon turns your life into a musical number you can learn a lot. And Xander learned they could all sing. Yes, that's what Xander took away from that. The rest was just too trauma inducing for him to deal with.

Then he failed his Algebra test that was worth _half_ his grade for the semester. Finally the worst of all and most embarrassingly was that _Cordelia Chase_ some how knew that Xander was suppose to be a _he_ and not a _she._ The weird thing was no one had _told her._ Why that was he wasn't sure why she even _knew._  Could it have something to do with how she become a Higher Power? He was the one who had to deal with her,  _Oh god,_  after he drew the short straw. _Willow cheated, I'm sure of it!_

Although finding a purple haired slightly stoner Oz to help Xander put together a song for him and his girls to sing had been just been fun. To top everything off he had to patrol alone tonight because Buffy had a test she had to pass and Willow was doing extra credit for one her classes.

 _And the fact that this town is dead is not helping. Where are demons? What day is this..._ He stopped to think, _Thursday..._ _Kitten Poker Night at the Alibi Room? To Alibi Room... Could use some action. Or I could play a hand of poker or two._ Xander remembered that Giles said there was a demon in town that was eating people's pets.

_The things I do for this town._

He walked into the bar. It always reminded Xander of that scene in Star Wars. It looked something like it only darker and without the cool music. She could feel eyes following her. This was not the first time she had been in here and it would not be the last. it was the first time that she was on equal footing with the other patrons of the bar. she walked up to the counter that Willy stood behind.

"Hello, Willy," Xander's tone made the few demons sitting the bar scatter.

"Xander! Friend of the Slayer!" The bar owner said, so everyone in the place would know who she was and that Willy knew who she was not a surprise.

"I'm not here to socialize. How is the poker game going on in the back room?" Xander asked, sometimes he couldn't help himself sometimes.

Willy's eyes widened but he said, "Good, a Vampire, Vor and Kesrall are playing. I could get you in if you want." Anything to keep his bar intact he had had heard from others how dangerous the girl, who was becoming known through the Underground as the Hyena, was reported to be.

"Tempting but not tonight. No, tonight I need information. I hear you supply information."

Willy shrugged, "I don't know much of anything."

Xander narrowed his eyes. He knew better, anything and everything demonic or not that went on in this town, Willy knew. "Now why don't I believe that."

Willy shrugged again.

"Willy, Willy," Xander said shaking her head, her long hair falling loosely into his face, he pushed it back out of his face absently.

"I'm a big believer in do things the easy way. I like the easy way. No one gets hurt. Nothing gets destroyed." he told Willy then reached into her pocket and pulled out five twenties and laid them on the bar. Raiding vamp nests could be profitable at times."...Or we can do things the hard way. I don't like the hard way." He said as his eyes glowed in the dimly lit bar.

Only two things had ever frightened Willy. The IRS and the Health Department, now he added this slip of a girl to the list.

"A somewhat human looking demon, but as blue skin, as a thing for eating pets?"

Willy shook his head he hadn't seen or heard anything about a demon like that.

Xander sighed and waved a way a fly that was buzzing around.

"Sounds like Andy," A frog-looking guy at the end of the bar said.

 _There are demons named Andy?_ Xander wondered, things like that could still surprise him. He slowly walked over to the frog-guy but kept an eye on the money on the bar. "What do you know?"

"Always loses at Kitten Poker. Nice guy that Andy, except for that nasty habit of his."

 _Eating peoples pets was nasty, but no different from people who ate rabbits or snake,_ Xander thought. "So, he plays here?" The demon nodded and told Xander that Andy wasn't here tonight but,

"Next week for sure. But tonight you should be able to find him Moe's Tavern," Frog-guy said, then his long tongue shot out and caught the fly that had been buzzing around. Xander walked back over to the money on the bar and picked up four of the twenties and handed them to Frog-guy. Willy made a low sound of protest.

Xander glared at him, "He told me, you didn't." To Frog-guy she said, "If I find out you lied to me... The double Meat Palace will be selling frog's legs, you get me?"

The demon swallowed nervously, "Hey, I like you humans. I would never lie to you."

Xander gave him a hard look before leaving the bar.

The frog-looking demon turned to Willy, slightly confused, "Do you think I should have told her that Andy's nasty habit was eating the pet owners as well as the pets?"

Willy shrugged and poured the demon another drink.

***

Xander crawled through the window into his room, closing it behind him. He sighed and let the black leather jacket fall to the floor. _I would rather dust vamps than deal with demons...if I ever see that Frog-guy...grr! Is it to much to ask for some honesty when you pay for information? Really? It's not much to ask for, is it?_ Xander though as he sat on his bed, he frowned at the books laying on it. **SEX AND FEMALE BODY IMAGE. SO YOU ARE A GIRL...** He took off his shoes and was about to pick up one of the books when the door to his room opened and Jessica Harris stood in the door in her light green satin PJ's.

"A bit late, isn't it?"

Xander sighed, giving his mother small smile, "I was just think about the Talent Show." Which he had been earlier...

Jessica smiled, "I can't wait to see you perform. You haven't done anything like this since..." she paused, "In a long time."

 _She can't be serious? No._ Xander thought.

"Yes."

 _Oh, damn, I said that out loud._ He thought but said to his mother, "Uh, really, no, if you are there I'll freeze up," Xander really didn't want his mother anywhere near the school. Ever, if he could help it.

"But I want to support you," Jessica said leaning again the doorway.

"No, please...We are, every one in the show is...well, to put it nicely? Are talentless...very talentless. You will lose brain cells if you watch us."

Jessica laughed, but for giving Xander a more serious look, "Is there something bothering you? Besides you impending debut?'

"No, why do you ask."

Jessica looked like she wanted to say something but just shook her head. She walked up to Xander and kissed him on the forehead, "Go take a shower then get to bed. I'm sure you will work out whatever is bothering you... You always do."

Xander nodded slowly, his mother smiled and left the room. He sighed again then got an old tank top and sleep pants from his dresser before going to the bathroom. If Xander had looked at the bedroom window behind him? He would have seen a small outline in the shadows of the window.

***

Xander still wasn't use to seeing naked girl parts when he showered but at least he could shower now with his eyes open now. He ran a hand through his long wet hair, as he entered his room. It was a bitch to shampoo and Xander really didn't know why he didn't just cut it. He paused in the dark room, strange... _It's like I'm being watched...I had the same feeling during my shower._ When he felt something brush past his leg, he screamed before he could stop himself.

His mother ran into the room flipping on the lights. she grabbed Xander by the shoulders. "What's wrong? What is it?" Jessica asked when she saw how pale Xander looked.

Xander gave the air a slow sniff, "There is something in here," she whispered, giving into the feeling that all children have, the belief that their parents can protect them from the monsters. Which was stupid because Xander knew better than most that wasn't true.

Jessica frowned, as she looked under the bed, and saw nothing but dust bunnies, through the covers on the bed. She shook her head at Xander. They both notice the slightly open closet door at the same time. Jessica walked over to it and fully opens the door...nothing but clothes. Turning to Xander she said, "Maybe it was a dream?"

"But I hadn't..."Xander stopped, closing her eyes taking a deep breath, "Yeah," she agreed softly, "sorry I got you up."

"Don't worry about it. I was just reading." Jessica said as she turned to leave, "You shouldn't sleep with the window open, you know what might crawl in."

Xander watched his mother until after she left the room before walking over to the window. And wondered,  _I'm sure I closed that...didn't I?_


	8. Our Friendship Will Be The Stuff Of Legends 4

The next afternoon found Xander in the school auditorium, in the middle row of seats with Willow while they watched Mark and his assistant do magic...badly. As Giles come out from behind the stage carrying a book with Cordelia on his heels when she said, "...Why do I have to follow Brett and his band?"

Giles sighed, "I told you before, we have to clear the stage before the finale."

"But the mood will be ruined! My song is about dignity and human feelings, personal...Something!" Cordelia said irritated, "It's sappy and will insure that I win this stupid...What are you staring at?"

"Oh, sorry, " Giles said, "But your hair..."

Cordelia got a panicked look on her face, "There's something wrong with my hair?"

Giles said nothing but stared at Cordelia's hair.

"Oh, god!" Cordelia exclaimed before running off. Giles only smirked as she left, he noticed Buffy sitting down with Xander and Willow. He made his way to them in time to hear her ask,

"Where is Morgan?"

Willow said, "Why did he do something?"

Buffy shook her head, "No, it... It was Sid, the dummy." When she saw she had their attention, "Okay, stop looking at me like that. I feel stupid enough as it is for saying this but I think Sid was in my room last night."

"With Morgan?" Willow asked confused.

"No, it was alone and alive."

"Did you actually see it?" Giles asked sitting down with them.

"No, but something attacked me before running across my bedroom floor then under my bed." Buffy said.

"You too, huh."' Xander muttered, at their looks he said, "Buffy wasn't the only one with a late night visitor."

"Angel comes to see you too!" Willow exclaimed as Buffy blushed bright red.

Xander almost turned green at just the thought, "No, Wills, but I will be speaking to Deadboy about that," he murmured louder, "I'm pretty sure it spied on me in the shower."

"Could it just be that you both had bad dreams?" Giles asked.

Xander leveled a look on the older man, "The same dream?"

"Well, the puppet did wiggy you both out." Willow reminded them.

"Wills, the Mime freaked me out more than the stupid puppet did. Give us a little support here, guys. We aren't crazy."

"Well, I'm not." Buffy said, side eyeing Xander, "Not so sure about Xan." She ignored the glare Xander gave her," I'm the Slayer, no puppet is going to get the better of me."

 _How many times have I heard that her say that?_ Xander wondered angrily, as if Buffy being the Slayer gave her the right-

"...Well there's Morgan, now!" Willow said, bring Xander out of his thoughts. Buffy muttered darkly what she would do to get Morgan to talk to her. They watched as Morgan took his puppet out of it's case.

"Well," Giles said getting the girls attention, "if it is any consolation I... May have found the demon we are looking for," he held up the book, "There's a reference in here to a brotherhood of demons, who every seven years need human organs to well...become human."

"Lucky number seven," Xander muttered sinking lower in his seat.

Giles continued as if Xander never spoke, "They need the brain and heart to retain their humanity other wise they revert back to their demon form, " he then hands the book over to Xander, "which is decidedly less than appealing."

"That's a looker," Xander said looking at the sketch of a horned, scaley and very ugly demon in the book.

"So, it could be Morgan, only demon Morgan instead of crazy Morgan?" Willow asked, as they watched as Morgan fussed with Sid's clothes. Morgan looked pale as if he were sick.

Giles shook his head, "These demon are supernaturally strong and... Morgan seems to be getting weaker everyday."

Morgan rubbed his temple before sitting down with Sid.

***

 _What a waste of a lunch period._ Xander thought as he walked into Mrs. Jackson's classroom. He had watched as Sid's little show in class earlier. Freaking out the Slayer was not allowed. Not things happened when Slayers freaked out. _At least I was able to give the girls the song we can sing. They had seemed to like it... We are going to make totally fool of ourselves._ Xander thought depressed. He walked over to the cupboard and opened; Sid is sitting there just where the teacher left him.

Xander gave the puppet a feral smile, "Hello...dummy," then grabbed the puppt by it's neck, "we are going to have a little talk about peaking in showers, oh and trying to hurt my friends," the last growled out.

The puppet said nothing.

Xander nodded, "So, you want to do this the hard way then. Huh, so messy that way but your choice."

Xander carried the puppet out of the room.

And Sid? Well, Sid looked worried.

***

Xander was sitting on the counter in the library next to Sid when the others walked in.

"Where did you get that?" Buffy asked.

"I thought I'd cut out the middle man." Xander said hopping down off the counter. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver Zippo lighter.

"Oh, really now!" Giles said in disbelief.

Xander grinned, turning back to face Sid, he flipped it open lighting the Zippo. He waved the flame in front of the puppet's face, "The easy way.." when nothing happened," the hard way," he trailed the flame down the puppet's chest, "I kind like the idea of turning him into a Duraflame log that Buffy had." Still Sid stayed silent, so Xander lowered the light until it came to Sid's crotch area, and Sid jumped up then, startling Xander into dropping the lighter as Willow screamed, and Giles exclaimed, "Dear lord."

Buffy quickly got over her surprise and cut of the puppet's escape by getting between the counter and the library door. "Where do you think you are going, little man?"

Sid stopped and sighed looking around to see he was surrounded, "You win. Now take your brain and heart and move on."

"I'm sure they would have made a great trophy for your case," Buffy muttered.

"It would have been justice!" Sid exclaimed,

"Yeah, except for one thing? you'll never be human!" Buffy told the puppet smirking.

For a puppet with only one expression Sid looked upset, "Well, neither will you!"

There was a moment of awkward silence then both the Slayer and the puppet looked at each other and said, "Huh?"

Xander shook his head; a lock of dark hair fell in to his face he blew at it impatiently as the memory of what happened to Morgan hit him, "Oh, goddess! I have to find Morgan!" He told the others before running out od the room.

***

Xander had looked all over the school for Morgan before going to the one place she was sure she would find him, where Xander hoped Morgan wouldn't be but... All he found was a body. Xander had forgotten how well he and the others had been at that.

At finding the bodies.

Xander sat next to Willow while she searched on the computer. She had told him she was looking for the address of everyone in the show. Willow said that Buffy and Sid were certain that the demon was one of the Talent Show students.

Buffy walked into the library staring at her hands in horror, wiping them on her clothes every so offend, "I'm never going to stop washing my hands," she told them how she found a brain backstage. Xander told her that Morgan was dead.

" ** _Will all great Neptune's oceans wash this blood clean from my hand? No, this my hand will rather the multitudinous seas incarnadine, making the green of one_ red."** Willow muttered under her breath then feeling the weight of her friends eyes, she looked up at them, 'What? It's from Macbeth. We are reading it in drama class..." at Buffy's blank look Willow just shrugged turning back to the computer.

"Well, Lady Macbeth-Buffy ain't." Xander said. Willow looked back at him in surprise, at the look Xander replied with, "Sheesh, it's Shakespeare even I know that, besides I like that poem of his, you know the famous one."

Willow bounced in her seat, "How Do I Love Thee?"

"No," Xander said flatly, it was time for a subject change Xander crossed his arms over his chest carefully. It was much harder to do now that he had boobs, "So, are we sure Sid is on the level?" Xander knew that the puppet was he just wanted to give Buffy a hard time about trusting supernatural beings so easy with out knowing what their agendas really were.

Buffy ignored the boy-turned-girl trying to deal with the problem at hand, "But why reject Morgan's brain? He was the smartest kid in school."

"He was," Willow said, "look at these grades," she told them pointing to the screen, that showed mostly 'A's. "He was even taking some college courses... Wait a second... Look at all these sick days."

"He was off for half the year!" Buffy exclaimed over Willow's shoulder.

Xander knew Morgan had been dying..."Willow check the nurses files."

Willow did and read the information out loud, "In case of emergency contact Dr. Dale Legget," Willow started excitedly, "California Institute of Neurosurgery," her voice slowed and softened, "...Cancer Ward," she ended in a whisper, "so that was why he had all those headaches."

Buffy frowned sadly, "It also means whatever is out there still needs a health brain."

"Well, I'm safe," Xander smiles slightly at the girls, trying to get the girls to smile. He looked pointedly at Willow. Buffy's eyes widened getting the message and nodding slightly as she too looked at the redhead.

Willow looked confused between the two girls, "What...What could a demon want with me?" Xander asked Willow what the square root of eight hundred and forty-one was," Twenty-nine...oh."

 _Yeah, I still can't do math like that in my head,_ Xander thought. "Don't worry Wills, as long as you are with us? There's no way that demon gets what it wants." Xander said trying to reassure Willow.

Buffy stared to pace nervously, "But we just can't wait around for the demon to come to us either. We have to figure out who and what we are dealing with."

"What about the Talent Show Kids," Xander suggested, "I mean I know you and Giles ruled them out because they were all here but..."

"That was before Buffy found the brain." Willow whispered.

"So if it's one of them..." Buffy trailed off thinking, "Giles!" She shouted suddenly.

"You don't think he's the demon do you?" Willow asked fearfully.   

 Buffy stopped her pacing to look at their friend, "No. But he doesn't know! And he's right there with them," Buffy's tone was upset.

"Buff," Xander gave the Slayer a reassuring smile, "don't worry. Giles can handle himself. He's.." Xander broke off, _oh, of course, I'm so-_

**_"Smart!"_ **

The three shouted in unison.

 


	9. Our Friendship Will Be The Stuff Of Legends 5

Buffy ran out of the library screaming Giles name. Xander was right on Buffy's heels and Willow followed after them. They ran straight to the auditorium and to the back of the stage in time to see the magican, who Xander vaguely remembered was named Marc. As he cut a rope to the _guillotine, why does it have a real blade? how did that get past the school board?_ Xander wondered, that Giles was strapped too. Buffy attacked Marc and they started to fight it out fast and hard with Buffy avoiding the knife in Marc's hand. Buffy quickly shoved him in the magican's disappearing trick box and was surprised when he came out on his demon form.

Giles watched as his Slayer got beaten by the demon, he heard the stretching and snapping of a rope which brought his attention to the blade hanging above him, he flinched when he saw the blade drop down a touch. Giles closed his eyes not wanting to see the cause of his impending death as he heard the rope give completely.... Nothing happened.

 Slowly he opened his eyes to see Xander holding the end of the rope that held the blade that could have caused his demise, nonchantly. The girl smirked at him as she blew a lock of dark hair out of her face,

"You know, since I just saved your life and stuff, ya think you could put in a good word for us with the talent show judges? It's the very least you could do." Xander quipped. Giles just gave her a sickly smile as Willow came up and started to undo the straps that were keeping him trapped.

"How is Buffy doing?" Giles asked, since he could see her once the fight moved out of his eye line. He watched as Xander winced at what she saw,

"Oh, about the same as always." Xander said with a shrug.

"Is that bad?" Giles asked in concern.

Once Willow got the last strap undone Giles quickly got off the guillotine. Just as Sid appeared out of nowhere, carrying a knife and yelling, "I found you!"

 _Yeah, we did all the work!_ Xander thought petulantly as he still held the rope to the blade of the guillotine. Sid jump on the back of the demon distracting it from Buffy, thought not for long, as it slammed her against the wall. Sid stabbed the demon in it's back with the knife. The demon roared in pain and let the Slayer go. Sid then jumped off it back, Buffy recovered from her meeting of the wall, let loose a powerful spin kick making the demon stagger around disoriented until it fell on to the bench of the guillotine, landing on it's back.

Xander let go of the rope he had been holding, the blade dropped down on to the demon's neck, chopping off it's head.

"Well," Giles said softly, "I must say... You, all of you... Your timing is impeccable."

"And...now...the big finish," Sid said weakly as he crawled on top of the demon, knife in hand, as he positioned himself on the dead demon's chest.

"What are you doing?" Buffy asked.

"Have to get the heart," Sid whispered, "then this is all over. I'll be free." Sid plunged the knife into the demon's chest. He pulled his arm back to do it again but his aim had been true the first time. Sid's eyes fluttered closed as his body slumped over...just a lifeless puppet now.

Buffy looked sad before picking up the puppet, carefully. "It's over." She said softly, then there was a noise and the dark red curtain came up suddenly. The group on the stage looked at the audience frozenly, as Principal Snyder's voice rang out,

"I don't get it? What is it...Avant-garde?"

***

"Xander I... I'm not sure I can do this!" Willow cried, looking a little green.

Xander sighed, "Wills, all you have to do is sing-it's not rocket science."

"Rocket science would _be easier_ than _this!_ " Willow muttered.

"Don't worry, Wills," Buffy said, "We'll do great!" Then froze, eyes wide, as the music began to play, "Xander! How does the song start again?" She hissed out.

Xander gave an exasperated sigh, "Where's a demon when you really need one?"

***

Giles followed the three excited girls into the library after the talent show was over, looking at them in amusement as Buffy placed the First Place Trophy on the counter. The blonde turned to the Watcher, "Tell the truth Giles, you blackmailed the judges, right?"

Willow just kept touching the trophy as if she couldn't believe it was real.

Giles shook his head, but caught Xander's eye when he said, "All I did was take some advice."

Xander snickered while grinning said, "Hey, we fought a demon, helped a soul find it's release from this mortal coil and won the 'talentless' show. All in all? I say it wasn't a bad night on the Hellmouth."

 

 


	10. Interlude: Upper Realm

 

 

In a place that does, yet, does not exist... A being who had once had no form and it's only function was to bring down the barriers of dimensional walls, but because of a spell by a group of monks and a badly thought out wish or two, this being now had form...as well as memories to go with it.

Dawn Summers watched over the newly made female Xander Harris, Buffy Summers and Willow Rosenberg.

The protectors of the Hellmouth.

Her family.

"This change is for the best," a white robed figure with a sexless voice told her.

Dawn glared, "Xander was tricked! You let him be tricked! And for what? Your side was loosing and you cried for a do-over! And not a single one of you so-called higher beings gave a single thought about what it would do! I had a life! A good one! And love..." She turned back to the TV like screen that showed her Sunnydale. "One I'll have to mourn now because I don't think I'll ever see him again!"

The white robed figure shifted uncomfortably before disappearing.

Dawn collapsed on a nearby bed, trying not to cry but muttered, "God, we're all idiots."


	11. Nightmares

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Dreams of war, dreams of liars..  
> Dreams of dragons...and things that will be..  
> Sleep with one eye open...  
> Gripping your pillow tight...'  
> -Enter the Sandman-Metallica.

Xander sat in the back of the classroom, bored out of his mind as the teacher droned on in a monotone voice. He watched the clock on the wall... _Tick-tock._ Xander frowned as music, slightly familiar music at that began to play. He looked around the room, only to see the other students staring at the teacher blank faced.

" _...Going through the motions..."_ a soft, sweet female voice sang.

Xander looked back at the clock, the second hand moved forward. _That voice, I know that voice,"_ he thought looking around the room again, for the source of the voice or the music.

"... _I got a theory!"_

Xander put a finger in his ear to clear it out because he had to be hearing things because that had sounded like...

 _Tick-tock..._ went the clock on the wall. The music was getting louder but Xander could clear hear the ticking of the clock.

"... _I died so many years ago."_

Xander stiffed in his seat, _that voice! I could never **forget** that voice. No matter how much I may have wanted too._

 _Tick-tock-tick-tock-tick-tick-tick-_ What? Xander glanced back at the clock. The hands of the clock began to spin backwards then they stopped only to spin forwards wildly then freezing. Xander looked away, out the window, he could see people in the street dancing, dancing, dancing until one of the dancer's feet caught on fire!

"... _Don't give me songs!"_

Xander whipped his gaze back to the classroom, but the teacher still droned on boringly, as the students stared mindless at the black board that was covered in chalk drawings of vampires being impaled with stakes. Xander slowly gather up her books and stood, leaving the room. _This can't be right! The things I'm hearing haven't happened yet!_ The swell of music, as well, as the combination of voices that sang out..." _Where do we go from here..."_ almost caused Xander to drop his books. Something was up, Xander knew, something he should know. He made his way down the hall way and was almost to the library _-Giles, Giles would have the answers!_ He was stopped by a young boy about ten or eleven in front of the doors of the library.

" _I'll never tell..."_ The boy sang in Anya's voice.

That was when Xander _screamed, screamed, screamed..._

...Xander jerked awake, his head shot up from off of his arms that he had been laying, since he had been _sleeping_ at the table in the school library.

Giles had a hand on his shoulder, "Nightmare," he asked softly.

Xander shook off his hand as he looked wildly around the room. Buffy and Willow were sitting across from her, with research book spread about on the table.

"Nightmare?" Xander repeated confused, _It felt so real..._

"Yeah, from the screams? It sounded like a doozy," Buffy said in concern, "It took Giles forever to shake you awake."

Xander blinked and rubbed his eyes, trying to make sure he was really awake.

"Was it clowns?" Willow asked, "I bet it was the one about the clowns."

'You're afraid of clowns?" Buffy asked, almost gleefully.

Xander looked at the two girls in front of him, they were his friends-best of-once-a-upon-a-time. How easy he still was for a pretty face, if they were involved. But, he couldn't be angry at them, and goddess knew he wanted to be. They didn't know the truth. And he wasn't sure he could ever tell them either.

_Before._

Xander didn't want to tell them how they had all grown so far apart emotionally, over the years, that even when they had been standing next to him physically-they hadn't really been there. How? How could he tell these two innocent girls, who didn't really know _true_ darkness, yet. How could he tell them that his worst fear-the thing that truly frightened him the most, his worst fears made flesh? Were the two closest to his heart?

Xander couldn't.

Xander would keep his guilt, carry his secrets close to his heart than even his girls were and do what he could... Anything else? Was just to appalling to think about.

"Yeah, clowns.' Xander whispered.

It was much safer than letting the past repeat itself.

***

Cordelia was sitting at her desk making sure her make up was perfect using the light from the window. When Xander Harris strolled into the room, Cordelia was about to made a comment on the girl's outfit when a classmate, Wendell walked over to the same window to read something out of the book he was holding and unknowing blocked the light from Cordelia.

Cordelia glared over her shoulder, "Hey, Doofus!", she yelled at Wendell, "You're in my light!"

Xander walked over to Wendell and smacked him on the shoulder lightly, as he said mock scornfully, "What's wrong with you? Don't you know, Cordelia is the center of the universe and we must revolve around her accordingly. Like the lowly mortals that we are."

Cordelia smiled at the verbal hit Xander send against her, she loved the verbal sparring Xander would engage in with her. Although Cordelia would never tell him...err, her...she hissed rubbing her temple. The new gender of Xander Harris had confused her for a while because she had conflicting memories of Xander as a male and as a female. And Cordelia didn't know why. Or what was going on with that.

Xander, himself or herself seemed uncomfortable with the change but strangely not panicked about it. Cordelia knew she would panick if she suddenly became a guy! _I'd be totally hot though,_ Cordelia thought.

So, on the subject of Xander new gender Cordelia took her cues from Xander. She just treated Xander as if he had always been a she, knowing that Xander's gender was _not_ to be used as fodder for their little war.

"Why don't you revolve yourselves out of my light!" Cordelia snarled just as Buffy and Willow came into the classroom. Cordelia tried not to notice the disappointed look on Willow's face. Willow always seemed to wear that look whenever she saw Cordelia. _Break a crayon on time and you are never forgiven,_ Cordeila thought.

Cordelia saw Xander shrug and lightly pull Wendell over to their desks before she decided to just ignore the losers.

"Wendell," Xander chided, then saw Buffy and Willow looking at him, "he was in Cordelia's light."

Wendell hung his head, "I'm _so_ ashamed."

"Why does she have to be such a diva?" Willow muttered, glaring at the back of the dark haired girl's head.

"I think it's the hair," Buffy said meanly, leaning over to Willow.

"It must weigh heavily on the cerebral cortex." Willow snarked back not noticing how the girl in front of her stiffened at the insult.

Xander poked Willow in the shoulder from behind her, "Far be it from me to interrupt a round of Cordy-bashing, but was there any homework?"

Buffy held up her book, "Reading, Chapter Five: Active Listening..."

 _Do I even have that book?_ Xander wondered.

"...Focus on the person..."

_No I don't think I do. Why am I even in this class, again?"_

_"_ The teacher demonstrated it," Wendell chimed in, "...with you, Xander."

Xander blinked, "When have I ever listened to a teacher? What does that have to do with our homework?"

Willow only shook her head at him, "You are hopeless, Xander."

Xander shrugged and trying to listen when the teacher started the lesson. It wasn't long before Xander found herself yawning sleepily. Late night patrols and school were not a good thing. Buffy knocked a pencil off her desk and bent down to pick it up, froze. Xander who was sitting side ways in her desk saw the same young dark haired boy from her nightmare standing in the door way.

Xander exchanged a concerned look with Buffy. Their exchanged was interrupted by Wendell, when he started to scream. Xander looked over at him to see Wendell's desk covered in huge, hairy legged, tarantulas, as the crawled out of the open book on his desk and up his arms. When the other students saw the big spiders they began to scream too.

Xander jumped away from her desk, startled.

"Please!" Wendell said, voice panicked, "Get them off me! Help Me!"

For a moment no one moved. Xander shook herself and rushed over knocking spiders of the boy's arms. Buffy followed after Xander wearing her, ' _Eww,'_ face as she slammed the book the spiders were still coming out of closed. Xander knocked the last of the spiders off of Wendell then pulled him away from the spider covered desk. Wendell was pale and shaking but quiet now.

Xander turned to look back at the door of the classroom.

The boy... Wait, no, his name was Billy Palmer, Xander remember. He just gave Xander a sad smile before walking away.

 


	12. Nightmares 2

"I've been waiting for you!" Xander told Buffy the next afternoon. When he saw her and Willow walking down the hall to the library.

"We were coming to ask Giles about the spiders..." Willow said.

"Yeah," Buffy drawled out," Willow has been a little...mmm, what's the word?  Oh, _insane!_ About the spiders."

Willow turned to glare at the blonde, "I don't like Spiders or frogs, but spiders have all those legs! Why do they need so many? I''ll tell you, for crawling all over your face at night! Ewww." She looked at Xander, "Why aren't you bothered? You're a girl now-it's suppose to bother you!"

Xander gave Willow his _you've lost it'_ look at this little speech and said, "I must have missed that memo on all things girly that I need to know," rolling her eyes, "I am unruffled by spiders..." _There are scarier things than spiders and they want to date me ,_ but said," praying mantis, though? Are another story, and Nazis... Nazis would bother me. Nazis should be a concern for everyone!"

Buffy sighed, "It was pretty intense with the spiders."

" _Thank you!"_ Willow said, glad someone agreed with her, "Oh, Xander saving Wendell from spiders, how are those for heroics?"

"Xander shrugged, "Hellmouth-been there, done that," with a slight blush on her cheeks. It surprised him that they were awknowledging what he had did. They never did _that_ in the _Before._

"Being a bit blasé here." Buffy asked.

Xander shook his head, "Not really, if there's something bad out there we'll find it, slay it and then party."

Buffy smiled, "Thanks for the confidence in us." 

When they entered the library  as Willow said, "But let's not forget about the spiders."

"Well, Giles said he was going to look into it... Giles!" Buffy called out. There was no answer from in the library.

"Maybe he's in the faulty room?" Willow asked.

"Does he even know where that is?" Xander wondered aloud.

Slowly, Giles appeared from behind on of the book stacks looking more than a little confused.

"Hey, Giles!" Buffy chirped.

"Wakey, wakey," Xander said to Giles confused expression.

"I was...lost...in the stacks..." Giles muttered.

"Did you find anything on the spiders?" Willow asked.

Giles looked at the girls and said, "I didn't find anything illuminating," turning away he headed toward his office, "I could find much of anything at all..." he muttered.

 _Dreams of the past...spiders coming out of textbooks...Giles getting lost in the library. I know this happened in the Before. What do I change? Damn, why can't I remember things?_ Xander wondered, _Those Oracles... I suppose I should be happy that only details are fuzzy and hope I remember the big things when I need too but am I suppose to change anything at all? Maybe there is only one way..._

"We should talk to Wendell," Buffy said interrupting Xander's thoughts.

Xander nodded.

The three girls left the library, they found Wendell sitting in the quad at a picnic table, staring blankly down at he book in front of him. He looked up when they sat down at the table.

"Hey, Wendell, how are you doing?"

Xander rolled her eyes, "Man, he got attacked by spiders-how do you think he feels?" Xander snarked at Buffy, she glared back at as he sat down on the bench next to Wendell.

"We thought you might want talk about what happened yesterday." Buffy said.

"You know, about the spiders?" Willow asked.

Xander made a sound, "There's nothing to say. Anyone who saw a few hundred insects coming at them would have wigged..."

Wendell frowned," They 're not insects, they're arachnids."

 _Like I care,_ Xander thought, but just gave Wendell a confused look. Wendell sighed and began to explain the difference between spiders and other bugs. Xander knew his expression was glazing over from the information overload. He shook himself out of the daze when Buffy asked Wendell if anything like that had happened before to him.

"Sure, lots of times," he said.

The girls exchanged loos with each other.

"Eww, you must hate spider even more then me!" Willow said with a slight shudder.

Wendell laughed, "No, I don't hate them...they...they hate me!"

Cordelia paused as she was walking by the table, she gave Buffy a sly mean look, "I hope you studied for the history test."

"What history test?" Buffy asked blankly.

"The one we're having in fourth period...right now!" Cordelia told her before continuing on to her class.

Buffy looked from Cordelia, "What test?"  To Xander and Willow, "No one told me there was a test!" She gave them a hopeful look, "I haven't...I can't..."

"Go on," Xander said with a wave of his hand, "Catch up with me and Wills, later." Willlow gave Buffy a sympathetic look. Buffy only smiled gratefully, then ran off to history class. Xander turned back to Wendell, "What did you mean: it happened all the time?"

Wendell explained about how his younger brother had killed Wendell's pet spider while Wendell had been away at camp when he was younger, "I mean can you blame them? After what I did?" He said guiltily.

"And this happens every time?" Willow asked.

Wendell nodded crossing his arms over his chest, "Yeah, I'm in class and I open my book. Then they come after me. Yesterday I thought I dozed off...But then everyone else began to scream too."

 _It's all about nightmares._ Xander thought.

***

After Xander and Willow got done talking to Wendell, she sttod next to Willow as the red haired girl got book from her locker for their next class. Xander noticed when one of the local punk's, one of the worst, actually. That when ever he tried to act like a badass his mother or grandmother would walk up to him and start treating him like a baby. _W_ _hy are they even here? Oh, is that his nightmare?_

Willow had been telling Xander about another student who had gotten beaten really badly in the basement of the school and had to be hospitalized, as she pulled the last book from her locker, then they walked to their next class.

"It could all just be coincidence," Willow said, "Wendell finding a nest of spiders and we wig just because he dreams of them."

Xander sighed, as they walked into their classroom, "Willow, they came _out of a textbook!_ If there is a connection..." but stopped when the students of the class began to point and laugh. "What?" Then remembered something similar happening before, he looked down and sighed with relief when he saw he was still dressed. _Okay, I'm dressed what is so funny-_ turning to see Willow standing in her underwear behind him. _Black and lacey, very pretty. Bold choice, Wills..._ Xander shook his head to rid himself of those thoughts, _Thinking like that only leads to someone losing a spleen._

"Stop looking, you perverts!" Xander said trying to block the other students from looking at Willow, who shrieked when she realized why the had been laugh. Which Xander just didn't get, _Who laughs at a pretty girl in their underwear?_

Willow muttered about where her clothes went as she tried to us her book as a cover but when she realized it was futile, just dropped them and ran out of the room.

Xander turned to follow but stopped when he heard what sounded like claws, scrapping down glass. He turned to the window and caught a glimpse of _black hair...pale skin with dark veins that stood out starkly...black eyes._ Looking back at the students he noticed they were all talking among themselves of doing other things. Like they didn't or couldn't see the thing at the window, clawing at the glass. Xander closed his eyes and took a deep breath. When he opened them the thing at the window was gone. To the teacher that just walked into the room he said, "I'm going to go check on Willow."

The teacher nodded, as Xander left he heard the teacher say, "Cordelia gather up Willow's books please..."

Xander ran straight to the library, when he saw Giles he asked, "Where is Buffy?" Because she should be here! Where there was weird, there should be a Slayer. It was, Xander was sure, a rule in the Slayer Handbook.

Giles gave Xander a confused look picking up a newspaper, with a sigh, "Her father came by..." he frowned, "I don't think I like him," Xander could hear the jealousy coloring the English man's voice, he looked past Xander and said, "Willow, where are your other clothes?"

Xander looked over her shoulder to see Willow in her gym clothes.

"I wish I had an answer to that!" Willow grumbled, "I found myself in front of my class in my underwear!"

Xander tried not to smile but from Willow's glare was sure he failed. "Yeah, it was really..." _Danger..._ the primal fear whispered through her. "It was a really bad thing?"

Willow rolled her eyes at Xander, "Bad thing? Doesn't even begin to cover it! I mean _Cordelia_ is in that class with us! I'm never going to hear the end of it. It's a nightmare...with nudity!"

It was Xander's turn to roll his eyes, "You were in your underwear, Wills, not starkers." He did not see Giles raise his eyebrow at Xander's unnoticed use of the British slang. "It was well within the realms of PG-13...wait? Was that _your_ nightmare?" Because Xander was sure it was his at one time.

"Well, yeah," Willow nodded, "Except the not waking up part...cause I was already..." she paused confused, "awake?" Willow shook her head, " It happened!" She didn't think she would recover from being mostly naked in front of her classmates any time soon.

"Like Wendell's reoccurring spider nightmare," Xander muttered.

"Oh, of course," Giles hissed, "I dreamed of getting lost in the books stacks, that I couldn't read...Did you know that you can't read in dreams? I couldn't..."

"Our dreams are coming true?" Willow whispered.

"Our nightmares, anyway," Xander said with a shrug, "It could be worse." Giles gave him a look that clearly asked how, it could be worse, "We could be trapped in a Broadway musical."

Giles only shook his head at Xander.

"Why is this happening?" Willow asked.

Giles picking up a newspaper and folded it to an article that showed a picture of a dark haired boy around ten or eleven, "Billy," he said shortly.

"Billy Palmer?"

"You know him, Xander?" Giles asked.

Xander shifted uncomfortably, "In a around-about-way," evading the answer.

Giles looked like he wanted to ask more on that but said instead, "He was beaten and is now in a coma at Sunnydal General Hospital. Somehow... I think he's crossed over from the nightmare world that the coma trapped him in..."

Xander walked over to one of the library's windows. He took in the sight of people panicking as their nightmares came to life, "He brought them with him." Xander sighed, as a giant bee chased a man down the street, "We have to stop this or soon everyone will be facing their worse nightmares."

"Quite right." Giles said softly.

"How is this even possible?" Willow asked.

 _The lines of what is real and what's not can be blurred so easily here._ Xander thought, reaching up to rub the back of her neck.

"Things like that are easy when one lives over a Hellmouth," Giles stated plainly for Willow, as they left the library. Giles told them that Buffy didn't know what was happening and that they needed to find her. Given what a Slayer could dream about. When Giles and Xander agreed to split up in order to look for her fast it was Willow mumbled, "Faster but not safer, not at all."

 

 

 


	13. Nightmares 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Now I lay me down to sleep  
> Pray the lord my soul to take  
> If I die before I wake  
> Pray my soul to take..."  
> -Enter The Sandman-Metallica.

Xander got distracted from looking for Buffy by the trail of Chocolate Hurricane bars that lead him to a part of the school that was strangely under construction? Pushing past some hanging sheets of plastic he could see that the walls were painted with swastikas in bright red paint, and there was one strange symbol paint in bright green paint it resembled a six legged octopus. Xander collected the chocolate shoving it into the pockets of his leather jacket. Until he walked through a large hole in one of the walls and he found himself in _Restfield Cemetery..._

_And it was suddenly night._

_Xander looked up at the bright full moon and star filled sky, "Oh, that was subtle," he grouched, as he began to trek through the graveyard, he began to read the names from the tome stones. They were all familiar..._

**Jesse McNally**

**Teresa Marshall**

**Jenny Calendar**

**Larry Hines**

**Harmony Kendell**

**Joyce Summers**

**Tara McClay**

**Jonathan Levinson**

_Some of these people had a hand in making up who Xander was, even if it was only a small part. People he had loved, liked, or hated, they all had some impact on Xander's life somehow. After passing the last grave stone, he paused by a familiar tree, it was the large oak that stood at the end of his yard._

**_"The torch I bare is still scorching me..."_ ** _the low, unforgettable voice sang softly to the right of Xander. Xander slowly turned to see a phantom of the Before, the vampire leaned against the tree, he was holding his cigarette casually in his right hand. Platinum blond hair shone in the moonlight, his black leather duster was worn like a shield against the world. The vampire looked just like he had the night Angel had given Xander to him._

_"Yeah, this truly is a nightmare, alright. Your here and you are still whining about Buffy." Xander said, a cruel smirk on her lips._

_Spike snorted and retorted with, "At least I didn't lose my dick in a bad deal with the Wankers That Be, whelp."_

_"Like I'm not reminded about that everytime I have to go to the bathroom!" Xander exclaimed rolling his eyes and with a small sneer snarked at the vampire, "Why are you here, it's not like I'm scared of you."_

_Spike looked a little put out at that remark, "How about this then," and_ **morphed,** _he still wore his black jeans but was now shoeless and shirtless, on his bare chest there was a burn mark in the vague shape of a cross, his blond hair in wild disarray. Normally sharp and bright blue eyes were now glazed by guilt and the start of insanity._

_Xander took a sharp breath at the sight. He hadn't lied-not really, this was a nightmare of Xander's. He hadn't ever been scared of Spike, that the vampire could and would kill him, yes, but scared of Spike himself? No. In truth the only time Xander had feared the blond was when he had been possessed by the First Evil. Mostly because Xander wasn't able to guess what Spike would do being possessed as he was at the time._

_"You're going to go the wrong way, you know." Spike said suddenly, going into his demon face._

_Xander frowned, "What do you mean?"_

_Spike sighed, like Xander had heard him do in every conversation they ever had, "To go forwards you can't go back."_

_"I know that."_

_"Hindsight is never twenty/twenty. There will be consequences to this..."_

_"Again with the telling of things I already know."_

_"Do you really?" Spike wondered with a raised eyebrow?_

_Xander looked away sighing, "Of course I know..." looking back to the spot where Spike should have been but bow wasn't, "Now where did you go?"_

_***_

Dawn sighed as she watched the events she had only been told about unfold. The nightmares of the people of Sunnydale ran rampant. The figure in the white robe had returned, the hood of the robe pulled up covering their face like before.

"Why do you look so displeased Ancient One?" the figure asked concerned.

"Displeased?" Dawn said, haughtly, "Why would you think I'm displeased? Just because my first crush is now a girl, and was giving a do-over somehow? Or that fact that I'm trapped here in the upper realm? Maybe it's the fact that everyone that I love DOESN'T EVEN REMEMBER ME!" She ended up shouting the last that the robed figure.

"Oh, is that all?"

Dawn didn't answer the figure, she just turned back to continue watching the event in Sunnydale as they played out.

***

_Xander looked for Spike for a few moments and after not finding him continued through the graveyard. As a cold winter's wind blew and with it, it carried the faint strains of music._

_" **These endless days..."**_

_It made Xander's hackles rise._ These are just my fears being giving form, that's all, _Xander thought._ I just have to face them. Put them behind me. I won't run, _Xander thought more bravely than she felt._

**_"...are ending in a blaze!"_ **

_The music swelled louder, then there was nothing but silence._

_***_

"I don't like where this is going," Dawn muttered to herself, as she watched Xander from the weird TV thing. Dawn knew this was something Xander had to face though.

The white robed figure stood silently nearby and for the first time since Dawn had appeared in this netherworld she was glad for the company.

***

_Xander continued through the graveyard into the nearby woods. He walked by piles of dust. Various demons killed by medieval weapons. Then past some humans and demons that looked as if they had been tortured, one human, at least Xander thought the blonde girl was human, had a railroad spike impaling her where her heart should have been. Shortly after that Xander passed by a figure hanging between two trees. He-Xander could only guess that it had been male since it had been violently  skinned-raised his head and hissed out, "Why didn't you stop her?"_

_Xander only shook his head and back away from the nightmare but stopped when he heard a childish, "Bored now..." it sing-songed out familarily. Xander could feel a growl starting in his chest. That thing... That thing wasn't her. Xander had to remind himself of that._

_The version of Willow ,that stepped out from behind the skinned, man had black hair; black eyes and pale white skin with black veins standing out starkly, pulsing under her skin. She was dressed much like the vampire version of her had. Next to her stood Buffy, her very long blonde hair, was covered in dirt, grass, and mud just like her clothes, the ones they had buried her in, were. Her once manicured nails were broken, dirty and blood covered._

_"Are you sure that's Xander?" **Back from the Dead Buffy**   said, cocking her head to the side in confusion. "He's not Xander-shaped anymore."_

**_Darth Willow_ ** _nodded, "Yeah, I liked the old version better, with him being all Zeppo-donut boyish."_

_They were joined by **Possessed by the First Spike,** "He was a nummytreat," he said rolling his eyes._

_"You're not real-any of you." Xander told them, slowly backing away from them._

_"But we are," Buffy said, hauntingly, "Ghosts of the past..."_

_"Shadows of the future,"  Willow giggle madly._

_"Fears of the now," Spike said cruelly, as the three began to circle Xander, entrapping him between the three of them._

_***  
_

Dawn watched in growing horror as Xander's nightmare figures slowly surrounded her...err...him?

"Oh, for god's sake pick a gender, please!" Dawn mumbled to herself, causing the robed figure to chuckle at her.

Dawn knew Xander's nightmare was about to get worse.

***

_The accusations started then each puncutioned by a slap, hit, or kick, depending on who spoke._

_"You sent angel-not Angelus-to Hell!" Buffy hissed coldly, punching Xander in the stomach._

_"You failed to stop Warren from shooting Tara!" Willow screamed angrily, slapping Xander across the face._

_"It would have been kinder to stake me, whelp but you knew that didn't you? No, you had to let these stupid bints," Spike pointed to the girls, "be all noble-like to the poor pitiful creature- and what happened between me and the Slayer. Me and Anya was your doing in the end."  Spike smirked, savagely kicking Xander in the knee causing Xander to fall to the ground._

Leave it to Spike to say the most hurt full thing, _Xander thought._

_***_

Dawn covered her mouth when Spike kicked Xander and she fell to her knees. Dawn watched as Xander put her hands over her ears in an attempt to block out their accusations and hide from her nightmares behind her long, dark hair. Watched as tears began to fall from Xander's eyes as she rocked back and forth trying not to listen to their words.

***

_"If only you hadn't tore me from there!" Buffy said, hatefully._

_"If only you had done as I told you too!" Willow said, scornfully._

_"You are to blame," Spike said, simply._

_"IT'S YOUR FAULT!" All three of the nightmares screamed at Xander._

_"My fault," Xander whispered, tearfully. Never did he see the triumph looks the nightmares wore on their faces._

 

 

 

 

 

 


	14. Nightmares 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Hush little baby, don't say a word  
> And never mind that noise you just heard  
> It's just the beast under your bed,  
> In your closet, in your head.'  
> -Enter The Sandman-Metallica.

"No! It was not!" Dawn shouted, eyes wide, "It was _never_ his fault," she cried passionately. Dawn turned to the white robed figure, "Please!"

"Please, what," the robed figure sounded confused, "Ancient One?"

"Let me help her, let me help Xander!"

"Have you no faith in her?"

"Look at her!' Dawn said sweeping her hand at the scene they were watching, of Xander on her knees, still crying and agreeing with her nightmares, " Xander as always thought everything bad that happened to us was fault because he couldn't protect us."

"You don't exist for them yet."

"That doesn't matter!"

"Even if it means you never exist for them?"

Dawn froze, all her memories running through her head, "I was just the cause of so much trouble for them," she blinked then looked up at White Robe, "Yes, I want to help Xander even if it means I cease to exist."

White Robe nodded, "I thought that might be your answer."

***

Suddenly Xander's nightmare figures stopped speaking as a young girl in a light blue dress appeared in a bright green light. Xander looked up at there silence and saw Dawn Summers standing there,

_So, now it's her turn,_ Xander thought depressedly.

"Begone shadows," Dawn said with a wave of her hand, making all three alter-egos fade like the shadows she named them to be. Xander could see through them now and when the shadows tried to speak no sound came from them.

Dawn turned to look at Xander and smiled, "You really do make a pretty girl, Xan."

Xander blinked that was not what she had accepted, "Thanks, but why are you here? It's not time for you yet."

Dawn looked surprised, "You remember me?"

"Of course."

Dawn frowned, " I don't have much time. You do know that nothing that happened was your fault, right? They made their own decisions. I remember you trying to warn them and they would dismiss your warnings. You were never to blame and you did learn from your own mistakes."

Xander nodded slowly, standing up, then he asked, "Where do I go from here?"

"Accept who and what you are now. Learn from the mistakes of the past and things will be different." Dawn glared at the nightmare versions of the people she loved," It's your turn now... You know what you have to do." Dawn disappeared in the same green light she appeared in.

"Know what to do..." Xander murmured to herself, she knew she could _never,_ must _never_ forget the past but she could _forgive,_ right? Xander knew she could not let these fears rule her. She looked at her nightmares, they had no place here. _I'll see that they never come to pass._ Xander thought. "You have no power over me... Not anymore!"

Xander turned leaving the three nightmares behind her screaming incoherently, as they disappeared completely she walked into the sunlight.

Xander caught up to the others outside of Sunnydale General Hospital. Buffy now had a vampire face and Giles looked upset whenever he looked at the blonde girl. Willow was dressed in a cheerleading out fit muttering how glad she would never be on the team because Cordelia was a monster.

They entered the hospital, it looked like something out of a horror movie, doctors covered in blood, patients wandering around aimlessly looking lost and confused, some of them screaming as they tried to open their open wounds closed. Xander was glad her mother worked the nightshift.

Xander walked behind the empty nurses station and got Billy Palmer's room number. _"314..."_ She frowned at the number there was something-

"Come on, Xander!" Buffy yelled.

Xander shook the thought away and ran after the others. When they got to Billy's room Giles tried to wake him up. Xander saw Billy, the one not in the hospital, peeking out from behind the curtains around the bed. Xander walked over to him, "Hiding from your fears won't work. They just get bigger."

Giles turned at the sound of Xander speaking, he blinked when he saw the other Billy, but said, "Xander is correct. What are you hiding from?"

Xander's eyes widened when she saw a really, big, very ugly man come storming into the room, "From him!"

Buffy turned grabbing the man and threw him into a wall before punching him in the face. Buffy then body checks him again slamming his head hard into the wall and he slumps to the floor.

"Is..is he, dead?" Billy asked confused.

"Come here, Billy." Buffy said to him softly.

"I...I don't..."

"Only you can do the rest."

"What are they going to do?" Willow asked but Giles motioned her to be quiet.

Xander smiled understanding, "Buffy is proofing to Billy that ugly there," Xander said as Billy walked over to Buffy still looking scared, " has no power over him anymore."

Billy reached for the guy's neck and as soon as Billy touched the guy's neck a bright white light streamed out from the ugly man. When the light faded everything had been returned to normal, the nightmares were gone.

Billy woke up to see Xander, Buffy, Willow, and Giles in his room, "You're real? This is real? I'm wake now?" he said to Xander and Xander nodded.

***

"I can believe a kiddie coach would do something like that," Buffy said kind of shocked about it, they had learned that Billy Palmer's little league coach had beat him because the coach blamed Billy for losing the championship game.

"Well, obviously, you have never played kiddie league. I'm more surprised it wasn't one of the parents." Xander muttered darkly.

"Well, I'm just glad he's in jail now." Willow said as Buffy's father drives up and honks the horn of the car to get her attention. He got out and called to Buffy, impatiently.

"Have a killer weekend guys," Buffy told them before going over to her father, she hugged him then got car and they drove off.

"Personal question?" Willow asked suddenly.

Xander gave Willow a wary look but nodded slowly.

"Are you still attracted to Buffy?"

"Girl, now, Wills." Xander tried to evade the question.

"I know and that doesn't really mean anything. I know when you were a boy you have a thing for the actor that played Uncle Jessie on Full House."

"Everyone who ever watched that show, had a thing for that actor." Xander muttered.

"Not even Vamp Buffy?" Willow asked, because vampires it seemed only vamped attractive people, even the ugliest minion was mildly attractive.

Xander thought about it, "Well, kind of. In the 'oh, that's pretty,' kind of way. But not in the 'I want to date that' kind of way."

Willow frowned, "Not even a little?"

Xander shook her head, then smirked at the red head, "But I'm beginning to think _you_ might," she walked off leaving Willow stuttering in shock and blushing brightly behind her.

***

 "So, is it over?" Dawn asked her white robed companion.

"Almost..." before disappearing.

"Great! Alone again!"

***

_"Well, personally I kind of want to slay the dragon. Let's go to work," Angel said in the down pouring rain, it was in that moment Spike knew he would once more follow Angel to Hell and Back..._

"No," Spike sat up needlessly panting on the large bed with the ornate metal frame, he looked wildly around the dark, damp underground lair, lit by the light of a few candles burning here and there through out the room. He could hear the tearing of the silk and velvet blanket as his claws tore through them.

Spike ran a hand through his wild, unnaturally white hair, making it stand up worse from being sleep mussed as he knew it must be, sighing he reached for his pack of cigarettes that were on the bedside table. "God, no," he whispered as memories of the nightmare instead of fading like they should have became clearer and clearer...other memories began to fill his head...

_" Will never be you..." a cute, dangerous sunlight colored blonde said, ...the Slayer, as he was pushed up against the alley wall._

_"Well, maybe you can try again later," the pretty, powerful crimson haired Witch said, "What am I saying?" She hit him with a lamp._

_"The chains are for our protection until we know how dangerous you are," said the cold voiced English man...the Watcher as he reinforced the spells on the chains._

_"Hey! You would so bite me, pal!" said the chocolate haired boy...the White Knight, as he tied  Spike to a ugly orange lounge chair._

A soft sigh came from the body next to him; he looked down to see a brunette vampiress, his sire... Who he loved more than his own existence once, laying next to him.

"Awake, are you?" Said a voice to the right of the bed, melting out of the shadows was a figure wearing a black rode with the hood covering their face.

"Who the bloody hell are you?" Growled the blond on the bed.

"A friend."

"Who said I need any friends?"

Black Robe came closer to the bed, he leaned closer so his face was exposed by the light. "I never said I was a friend to you."

Spike could only gap at what he saw, rubbing a hand over his face he asked, "Why are you here?"

Black Robe smirked, "Let's just say I have a little bet with some of the other Powers, about how much you'll fuck things up in this little _'do-over'_."

 

 


	15. Carpe Noctem: Seize the Night

"Do-over? What do you mean, Do-over?" Spike asked staring at the face of the Black Robed figure in shock... _At his own face._

The black robe wearing Spike, sighed, rolling his eyes at his sleep rumbled counter part, "It's exactly what I meant. A do-over. Where you start at the beginning again. A second chance. You have some catching up to do for our side."

Spike frowned, confused, "And what side would that be?"

Black Robed Spike snickered as if it was a great joke, " _Our side,_ of course." He became more serious when he said, "The Powers That Be, in their infinite wisdom," he began to pace, "Decided to redo Sunnydale... Why I'll never know. It was a fuck-up from start to finish. Nothing went as planned for them, from the moment that _boy_ found out about the Slayer," he side-eyed Spike, "or us-you."

"What boy?" Spike asked, though he was sure he knew.

"Harris," the name was hissed, "Oh, don't look so surprised. _We_ always thought he was smarter than he let on. He had to have been to survive his family life as well as what the Hellmouth threw at him."

Spike frowned, things were still a bit hazy, "We did?"

"Don't be stupid! You remember or will remember everything! That was the point to the nightmare. It was because of that _boy_ we-you are being giving this chance. You were suppose to _kill_ the Slayer, that was why you were lead to Sunnydale the first time. Not to fall in love with her. That was, and as far as I know, still is Peaches destiny. So don't try fucking with that. Balance must be maintained. We cannot lose."

Spike sneered," That's why I got those memories? So evil doesn't lose the game it with the light? Why should I even care? It's not like the Darkness has ever done anything for me."

"Perhaps not," Spike's double agreed, "But the real question isn't what the Dark as done for you. But what as the Light done _to_ you, mmm? As I remember it we were laughed at and pitied as a human. If anything the Darkness made you into the vampire you are now..."

"Yeah, and where was the Dark when I got caught by those soldiers? Where was the Dark when I couldn't feed off of humans or fight them?" Spike huffed a hard laugh.

The other went into game face and got up in Spike's growling, "Buffy Summers was never going to love  _us_ the way  _we_ wanted her too! _We_ aren't Angel. So, get over it already. You have work to do."

"Why should I," Spike said just a tad impressed with his look-a-like's tactics and shuddered at the smile that graced the other's face...it wasn't a nice one, "What was given can be taken away. And your destiny as the Slayer's bitch can be replayed if you like?"

_Well, wasn't that a bloody scary thought,_ Spike blinked, settling against the metal of the head board, "What do I do?"

"It's quite simple, genius if I say so myself. Even _you_ can't mess this up, this time." Spike counterpart smirked, "But let me be perfectly clear on this-" he leaned over and whispered in Spike's ear, " _help them."_ Then louder, as if someone else was listening, and maybe there was, Spike wondered? "Kill the Slayer."

Spike nodded slowly, from his new memories he figured it's what the other wanted. Spike though wasn't so sure he wanted to do that. He was still a soulless, evil demon. Why would he want to help a bunch of White Hats? The memories he had of the protectors of the Hellmouth didn't show them in the best light but then again he had been trying to kill them all or had been betraying them very time they turned around, so he thought their treatment of him-no, his double had been fair.

Didn't mean Spike wanted to live through that himself, though.

"Make no mistake, this will not be easy. Especially with _him_ there."

"Who?"

**"** _Harris! Xander Bloody Harris!_ Pay attention!" Robed Spike muttered darkly, snatching the pack of cigarettes out of the other's hand. Taking one out of the pack, tossing them back at Spike. Whirling the cigarette between his fingers, "He's been given some advantages this time."

"Like what?" Spike asked, tossing the other a lighter.

Spike's double took a moment to lite the cigarette and take along drag from it, "The memory of the _Before,_ for sure and some things changes, nothing you'll need to worry about. Be careful. Harris was always the most dangerous one when push came to shove. Don't think the boy was ever what you could call sane. If you can get him out of the way permantently? Do it. Life will be easier for you in the long run."

The image of Harris throwing a battle-axe at his head, passed through Spike's mind. "I'll see what I can do."

"Don't disappoint me," was all Spike's look-a-like disappeared in a cloud of black smoke.

"Bloody-fucking-hell." Spike muttered sinking back down into the bed.

***

That night Spike watched as Drusilla spun around in the moonlight, her arms out wide as if she could embrace the stars that sang to her. She was surrounded by the bodies of the couple that had been their latest meal. Spike carelessly threw his cigarette butt to the ground, stepping on it as he looked at the old European buildings.

_Prague._

They were still in Prague. Spike had made arrangements for them to leave tomorrow night. These new memories were good for something. He was going to get his Dru out of this city before she was hurt.

Spike was soulless. Chipless. He was, in a word? Free! Free to be the vampire he should have been. That he was, that he would always be, if Spike had any say about it. He would do anything in his power to make sure those _nightmares_ never came true, Spike sighed looking up that the sky, while Dru spun, spun, spun...

Drusilla froze in mid-spin slowly she lowered her arms to star at her _dark prince, her wicked light!._ The feeling she had was between shock and amusement. _Oh, her poor boy._ He had no idea what was in store for him. The holy lights had changed what was to be...only they didn't _remember why?_

_Such wonders that were to come..._ She would get better, she knew. _Daddy was going to return..._ Oh, and her precious Kitten! _So pretty now!_ Her sweet boy, her beautiful William would come to love the Kitten even more now than he did then... _but when was then?_

Her sweet Spike... _her Spike?_ The one before her now... _was not him..._ But had been? _Who had taken her boy?_

Drusilla frowned as she began to circle Spike, each circle brought her closer and closer to him.

_No, shan't end that way...could it? Everything old is new again!_ Drusilla though brightly. "The show goes on...and on...my friend..."

"What do you mean, poppet?"

_Choices... So many choices. Right ones, wrong ones, or good ones and bad ones. So many choices to make. So many hearts to stake...at stake._

"Past where the city of angels weep... A sunny place beyond the dark, to the mouth of hell we will go..."

The _pretender_ reached out and pulled her into his arms. He petted her hair softly, "Don't worry, luv. You leave it all to me. You'll like where we go."

"Will there be tea and cakes?" Drusilla asked, knowing what she had to do.

"As much as you want."

Drusilla sighed, leaning her head on the _pretender's_ shoulder... _he would do for now..._ Until she could find her Daddy.

 


	16. Slice of Life: Be Unconventional

Jessica Harris frowned when she looked into the fridge. She was sure she had put a pot roast out to thaw last night and now it wasn't there? She walked out of the kitchen and to the staircase that lead upstairs to the second floor of the small house.

"Xander!" Jessica yelled.

"What?" Was yelled back.

"Do you know what happened to the roast that was in the fridge?"

There was a moment of silence then, "Oh, were you going to cook that? Cause I threw it out, it smelled kind of...funny?"

"But I just bought it the day before yesterday?"

"Well, you know how it is with pre-packaged meat."

Jessica sighed, "Oh, I guess we'll just have to have pizza for dinner."

"Okay, mom!"

From upstairs in her room Xander sighed as she looked at the empty platter that had once held a raw pot roast.

"At least it wasn't a live piglet this time." she muttered getting up and going her close yanking open the door... **THUNK!**

"Are you okay," Xander heard her mom yell. Xander glared at the heavy wooden door that she had pulled off of it's hinges.

"I'm fine," Xander shouted back, then looked back at the door. _At least being a construction worker for a time was a good thing,_ Xander thought. _I know how to fix this._

_***_

Xander opened the front door at the knock. She and her mother had been waiting for their dinner for almost a half-in-hour. A teenage boy stood on the porch holding a box of pizza.

"Cheese and veggie?" The boy asked.

Xander frowned nodding, turning away to a nearby table, "Just let me get your money."

"Sure," said the boy, who let his face morph into his vampire visage.

Xander turned back to the vampire and quickly slammed a stake into it's heart. The vampire dropped the pizza box in shock before falling into dust. Xander caught the box before it could hit the floor. She gave the pile of dust a distainful look then opened the pizza box, _Huh, cheese and veggie,_ then called out, "Dinner's here, Mom," as she shut the door.

***

A few days later Xander was sitting in an overstuffed chair in the living room watching Survivor, _This show is so lame. Now Survivor : Hellmouth! That would be a show._ Then shook her head, remembering the reality TV show Harmony had for a while. _Undead California Girls..._ It had lasted three seasons before Harmony ate the producer of the show.

Xander glance way from the TV when her mother came into the room with a confused but amused look on her face, "Xander, sweetie, do you know why Kung Po, Pizza Dog and Jake's Grill, won't deliver on our street any more?"

_Well, most of their deliver boys are vamps or demons?_ Xander thought shaking her head at her mother and said, "Not a clue," as she idly spun a stake behind the arm of the chair out of her mother's sight.

***

Xander flipped open her newly acquired cell phone. It was something she had made Buffy, Willow and Giles get. Why they hadn't had them in the  _Before_ Xander didn't know. It would have made a lot of things easier, that's for sure.

"Hello," Xander asked.

_"Hostess Cake!"_ Came the cheerful voice of Jack O'Neill.

"Uncle Jack! How are you?"

Jack O'Neill wasn't Xander actual uncle but an old friend of her mothers. Jack had been in and out of their lives for as long as Xander could remember. In fact, Xander had clearer memories of Jack than she did of Tony Harris. Strange.

" _Good, I'm good. Listen Xander did you get a package today?"_

"I was wondering who that was from. But yeah."

" _Great, it's really important. So don't let anything happen to it, okay. Just hide it somewhere. Keep it safe and hmm, don't tell your mother about it."_

"Sure, Ill do that. Just tell me when you need it back  and I'll send it to you."

_"Not snailmail or UPS."_

"Of course not, Uncle Jack. FedEx. Oh! Did I ever thank you for that copy of Dr. Daniel Jackson's thesis on Ancient Egypt? It must have been a pain to find. I looked everywhere for it. My friend Giles really enjoyed it but thought the theory was a bit out there. I almost never got the paper back. I myself thought the theory made a lot of sense..."

" _Maybe I can introduce you to Dr. Jackson the next time you come up to the cabin. I haven't laid eyes on you in ages, Xander. I still think you would enjoy fishing if you gave it a chance."_

"Fishing? No, I'm not the type. But you know I love the cabin."

Over the phone Xander could hear a female voice calling Jack's name.

" _Listen kiddo, I have to go. Well talk soon..."_ he paused, " _Be safe."_

"Okay, Uncle Jack. Talk to you later." Xander said, hitting 'end' on the phone, flipping it closed. She lightly tossed it on to her desk. Xander picked up the round, weighty object from her desk. It was a palm sized ruby stone in circled in a ring of gold, she slipped it over the middle finger of her palm of her right hand and traced the ring of gold with her other hand. Watching curiously as the ruby glowed brightly.

"What a gaudy piece of jewelry," Xander muttered the feel of it making her uncomfortable, a whisper in the back of her mind told her it could be as helpful as it was dangerous. She walked over to a wooden chest, she had made, that was in the corner of the room. She opened the lid, showing what looked like an empty interior; she reached in and touched an indention at what seemed to be the bottom of the chest.

There was a 'pop' and the false bottom was revealed. In the chest there were some hand made wooden stakes, a steel rail road spike, some good size crosses. A few silver and steel blessed daggers, a small battle-axe that was more of a wall decoration than any thing else. It was pretty and Xander liked it. Some smaller throwing axes as well as a set of throwing knives. Plus a couple of bottles that were labeled  'holy water.'

_It feels funny,_ Xander thought, as she carefully slipped off the strange jewelry and laid it carefully in the chest. She returned the false bottom into place, closing the chest soon after.

***

"How long as she been in there?" Buffy asked Xander's mom as Willow stood off to the side. Buffy had sent the red head here to get Xander to go to the mall with them. Xander was more likely to give in to Willow's puppy eyes than Buffy's.

"Before I got up this morning. She would tell me what's wrong. You and Willow are my last hope...of getting my daughter to come out of the bathroom!" Xander's mom said pounding on the door of it.

" _Not coming out!"_ Xander yelled through the door." _Why would who ever created us do this to half of the spieces? How did the human race survive?  Why is it so **painful?**_ **"**

The last question came out as a low, inhuman growl. Then Xander began cursing in a lot of different languages. Some of them Buffy was sure were even human ones...Yeah, that was Feryal. Buffy frowned the only time she cursed the 'gods' was when she was slaying a really tough vamp or demon, and when she was on her... _Oh._ Buffy turned to Mrs. Harris, "As she been temperamental these last few days? Grumpy or really emotional?

Xander's mom nodded.

_Well, crap._ Buffy thought but said, "Do you think it's...that time of month for her?"

Xander's mom looked surprised for a moment, then nodded, "I need to run to the store for a few things, stay with her. Try and coach her out of there." She said before leaving.

Buffy knocked on the door.

" _Go away!"_

"You know you can't stay in there for ever, right?"

" _Sure I can."_

"Really, Xander, it's not that bad. Girls have been going through this, having there periods since the beginning of time." Willow said, "It's normal..."

_"It's normal for a creature to bleed for seven...the book said seven days, Willow! And not die? That's not normal! Why  did the Bloody-Wanker-That-Be think I could handle this..."_ Xander let out an incoherent scream.

"Enough, you big baby! Come out of the bathroom!" Willow demanded.

The sound of someone blowing a raspberry at the door was clearly heard.

"Now, Wills, we should be more supportive." Buffy said with a grin, "After all a few weeks ago she was a _boy._ And now she is a _woman!_ Our little Xan is all grow-ed up!" Buffy wipes a mock tear from her eye, and put a hand to her chest, "I'm so proud!"

_"Are you enjoying this?!"_ Xander shrieked out, " _Why do you torment me so? Was I really so uncaring during your time...Why the fuck am I crying! There is no crying on the Hellmouth!"_

"Just in baseball, right Xander?" Willow asked.

_"No! There is no crying in that either!"_

Willow giggled at Buffy's confused look, "We are so watching In A League Of Their Own. "

" _I hate you! I hate you, both!"_

From down stairs came, "I'm back," from Xander's mom, "And I have chocolate!"

The door to the bathroom burst open and Xander stood there in a pair of dark blue men's PJ's. Her long dark hair tousled messy, falling everywhere. She had a wild-half feral look in her eyes. Buffy wondered if this was how all women looked to men during their periods? It would certainly explain the looks of fear she saw on their faces. _And the threats of bodily harm have nothing to do with it,_ Buffy was sure.

"Chocolate?" Xander muttered racing buy them. Buffy exchanged a look with Willow and they followed Xander down stairs in time to hear Xander's mom say,

"No, you animal! Sit at the table. I'm pretty sure I taught you better manners than that!"

Buffy saw Xander slump down in a chair as Xander's mom pulled somethings out of a bag. She opened a small box and got two of the white pills out of it and handed them to Xander.

"Willow get us some glasses," Xander's mom asked, and the red head did so. "Buffy, could you get the milk," Buffy nodded.

Willow put the glasses on the table and Buffy poured the milk while Xander's mom got some plates, forks and a knife. Xander stared at the pills in her hand. Xander's mom noticed and said,

"Don't just look at them, Xan-girl, take them." As she opened a cake box to reveal, "A German Chocolate Ice Cream Cake, with Vanilla Been Ice Cream. It was the last one at the I Scream Shoppe." The cake was cut and served, Xander took the pills with a drink of her milk, making a face.

Twenty minutes later, after the cake was finished and plans to veg watches movies was decided instead of going to the mall, Xander said, "I feel better. Not great, but more human?"

Buffy had to grin when Xander's mom said, "Amazing, isn't it what a couple of Midol and chocolate can do?' 

 

 

 

 

 


	17. Primal: The Hyena

The large blue lizard-like demon was stronger and faster that Xander or Buffy had expected it to be as it demonstrated by grabbing Buffy and tossing her through the air, before it grabbed Xander and shoved her into the wall of the crypt Spike use to stay in. in the _Before._ This was the second time it had done this and Xander admitted to herself at least that it hurt, a lot.

 _Why are crypts so necessary in Sunydale graveyards?_ Xander wondered dizzily.

Buffy landed hard with a yelp. Xander got to her feet and went back to the demon, the demon stopped her and she went flying into the crypt wall, _Hi, Mr. Wall, we **really** have to stop meeting like this. _She peeled herself from the wall and attacked the demon again...and again Xander met the wall, _Ok, Mr. Wall, you have to buy be flowers for our next date._

Xander heard the demon let out a roar through it's pointed snout and saw that it was going to deliver a killing blow to the dazed Slayer. Xander could feel the primal scream building in her chest, she let it out and the demon froze in mid-motion, Everything slowed down and sped up at the same time. Things were so bright and dark; every thing was so loud and silent at once. **IT** whispered in the back of her mind, that **IT** could save the Slayer, if  **IT** was just let out. Xander closed her eyes and let the primal power raise up, it flooded her entire being, ruling her...

When Xander stopped thinking: the Hyena was loose...

The next thing that Xander remembered was Buffy calling her name softly, in the tone of voice you used with wild animals. Xander blinked in confusion, _why was everything so bright and loud..._ that even Buffy's soft whisper had hurt to hear? Taste was different too; _the taste of blueberries,_ was in her mouth.

 _Strange I don't remember eating any..._ Xander slowly looked around, she could see pieces of the blue demon scattered all over the graveyard.

"What happened?" Xander asked.

Buffy flinched at the brightly glowing green eyes of her friend. It had just been flashes of the color before never the constant glow it was now. Xander's hair was now down to her _ankles._ It was also not the color it should have been. From the top of Xander's head to her chin it was pure black, then faded into a dark brown, then to a lighter brown-blonde color with dark brown and black patches, resembling the spots on a Spotted Hyena's coat of fur. Xander also sported a small set of fangs that would make even a vampire think twice before messing with her, Buffy thought. Xander's hands were covered in _fur_ up to her elbows that Buffy could see, and she had small but sharp black claws where her finger nails should have been. They were dripping in bright blue-tinged colored blood.

Xander reached up to push a long lock of hair out of her face and noticed her hands, "Oh, goddess...gods.." she whimpered then realized how longer her hair was, pulling on it to look at it. "Why is this..."

Buffy could see the panic building on her friend's face and quickly grabbed Xander's hands. Looking them over carefully, as she ran a finger tip over one of Xander's claws, smiled over-brightly, "It's nothing...a really good manicure won't fix."

Xander pointed a clawed finger at the Slayer, accusingly, "You are enjoying all the freaky stuff that's happening to me, far too much!"

Buffy only smirked, "Let' get you to Giles."

***

Rupert Giles looked up from the book he was reading when Buffy opened the library door. His Slayer was looking behind her, _"Okay,_ I'll tell him! Sheesh! Yeah, alright." Buffy looked into the library and noticed that Giles was looking at her, "Just don't laugh, or panic. Xan is doing enough of both.

Giles only raised an eye wonder what was going on. That confusion cleared up when Xander, _Oh, dear lord!_ Walked into the room. Giles had to take his glasses off and clean them to make sure what he was seeing was in fact real, he put them back on.

It was.

"Hey, G-man." Xander said in a small voice.

"What happened?"

Buffy told him what had happened with the blue lizard demon they had been hunting for last night.

"...then Xander become more, " Buffy wobbled her hand back and forth, trying to describe what happened, "more...hyena-ish? She tore the demon to shreds, Giles. I mean, pieces of that demon will be turning up for week in that graveyard."

Giles turned to Xander, "How are you feeling," he asked her.

Xander shrugged, "All my senses are out of whack. I can taste sounds at the moment. Every detail is clearer to my eyes," she sniffed the air, "Deadboy was hear an hour ago. And I'm hungry..." she said closing her eyes.

"For what?" Giles wondered, then took a step back when the girl's eyes opened, they were glowing a demonic green.

" **So, many questions, Elder."** A deep growling voice, that was not Xander's normal husky one, said, " **Xander can't answer them. My name is Shakarri..."**

_In the Upper Realm, a primortally goddess paced in the cold iron cage. She had been trapped in this cage for eons but for the short time she ran with her pack on the mortal plane. The host she had during that time had been prefect but for one detail...the host had been **male.**_

_She had been so lost in her thought of that host she didn't notice the white robed figure that stood outside the bars of her cage. The figure pushed down their hood, revealing a pretty, earthy blonde young woman. " How would you like to walk the mortal plane once more?"_

_The goddess wrapped a fur covered hand around the cold iron bar of her cage, she ignored the burning of it at her touch, more interested in what this Power To Come had to say..."What's the catch? "_

_"You just had to help Xander Harris."_

_Her perfect host?_

_"We aren't exactly compatiable..."_

_The Power To Come smiled sweetly, "That's will be taken care of. Just be ready."_

Shakarri shook off the memory as she watched the mortals in front of her. 

Buffy tensed up, as Giles looked warily at the creature that walked over to the table and jumped up, to sit on it, swinging her legs under the table like a kid, smirking at them and began to tell them who and what she was. Buffy only stared at the being in her friend's body, not sure she ubnderstood what it had told her, "Let me see if I have this straight. You are some sort of Primal Goddess?"

 **"More or less. My kind as walked his earth as longer than any other deity can claim but that of the Great Maker. Though some think my origins or demonic**   **I really can't remember if that's true or not."**

 "Did you turn Xander into a girl?" Buffy asked.

Shakarri shook her...Xander's head, " **No, that was done by a higher power that me. But I cannot be anything but grateful for the change. During my first possession of the boy I realized how perfect an Alpha he was but he was male. And I couldn't bond with him fully. So, my kin ran wild."**

"Why?" Buffy asked.

" **I am female. Xander Harris was male. Bonding with a male host body is impossible. I tried it before."**

"What happened?" Giles asked, interested.

" **The host's head...exploded."**

"Oh," whispered Giles.

**"Everything Xander calls upon my strength, my knowledge bonds us closer together to being one entity."**

"You're going to take over Xander's body?" Buffy asked in a horror filled voice, her hand tightening on the wooden stake she had been playing with.

 **"No!"** Shakarri shouted holding up a hand, as if to keep the Slayer back, " **It doesn't work that way. I can't take over Xander. It's too late for that kind of possession. Xander would fight me this time. It has to be willing. In order to save you Slayer, Xander let me in completely. We are merging now in to one person. In time I won't remember being anyone but Xander Harris. I'll be a part of her personally. My power, my knowledge but Xander will be in control."**

"Then why have you taken over now?" Giles asked concerned, wondering if they were being lied too.

Shakarri sighed, " **Because Xander didn't have the answers you wanted. I did. I asked Xander if I could come forward to speak with you, Elder."**

"So, we won't lose Xander to you?" Giles asked.

" **Xander had the choice to stay a normal girl. But if had had chosen that the Slayer would have died tonight. And Xander knew that. He wanted to fight the Darkness of this world at the Slayer's side. So he chose me. It has been a long time since I have fought the Darkness that walks on this plane of existence. Not since we Primals gifted humanity with a great gift."**

"What was that?" Buffy asked curiously.

" **We gave humans a warrior to fight the Darkness,"** Shakarri looked at Buffy, " **We gave them you,"** Buffy blinked in surprise, " **We gave them you."**

"What!" Both Buffy and Giles shouted.

Recovering first from that shock, Giles asked, "What do you mean-"  but didn't get a chance to finish because the goddess smirked closing her eyes, Xander swayed in place, as Xander's body morphed back into her human self. When Xander opened her eyes they were brown, a confused "Huh," was her only reply.


	18. Patrolling

"...don't you find it odd that the Government knows about the supernatural?" Xander asked Buffy while they were on patrol the next night after Marcie Ross tried to kill Cordelia at the May Queen coronation. "That they were waiting for her to do something?"

The men in black showed up and hustled the invisible girl away really quickly. It was so close to shades of the Initative, it was enough to give her nightmares.

"What I can't believe is how twisted she got." Buffy said, "From what they told Giles? Marice will be getting the help that she needs. Come on we need to meet Angel at Restfield."

Xander sighed and followed the slayer, wondering if what the shady government agents had told Giles was true or not.

***

Xander was getting her ass handed to her by a fledge. _A fledge!_ It had been on the football team. One of the many players that had gone missing last year. He threw her into a tomestone.

_Oh, look at all the pretty colors!_ Xander thought briefly before shaking her head in an attempt to clear it. Vision returning, she started to get up only to have the fledge grab her by the throat and pull her to her feet, and then some. Her feet dangling in the air, she was quickly loosing her breath as  the fledge shook her roughly, white spots danced and flashed in front of her eyes.

As she clawed uselessly at his hands at her throat, a fist suddenly cam out of nowhere hitting the fledge in the jaw, the fledge dropped Xander, in pain. Xander sat on the ground to catch her breath and saw that fist was connected to _Angel._

"That," Angel said as his dark trench coat billowed in the light breeze like a super heroes cape, "is.." Angel hit the other vampire in the stomach, the other vamp then got a lucky punch to Angel's face, causing Angel to growl going into his demon-face, "No way," Angel continued as he grabbed the other vampire by the neck and slammed his knee into the vampire's face repeatedly, "to treat.." the other vampire stumbled as Angel shoved him back, as he pulled out a stake from his trench coat, "...a lady!" Angel finished as he staked the vampire with a dramatic flourish.

_Wow! He is kind of cool in a dark and brooding fashion..._ Xander thought watching the other vampire turn to dust, she mentall smacked herself for the thought, _That was just the oxygen deprivation talking._

"Are you alright, Xander?" Angel asked, shaking off his demon-face. He was worried that Xander had been taking on too much. School, slaying but at times Xander seemed to be coping better than Buffy did. And Buffy was the one girl in all the world who was actually chosen for this sort of thing.

"Fine," Xander croaked out, "I had just where I wanted him."

"At your throat?" Angel asked with a disbelieving look.

Xander glared at him, slowly standing up, "I could have handled it!"

"Right," Angel said drawling out the word.

" _Guys!"_

The sound of Buffy's annoyed voice had them turning to see Buffy fighting three vampires. Three more seemed to appear out of nowhere

"Could you maybe save your bickering, for later and _help me?!"_

The vampires quickly surrounded the three fighters. Xander pulled out a stake, spinning it in her hand. She glared at one of the female vampires.

"No grand-standing," Angel muttered, as he stood with the girls at his back."

"Angel, sweetie? I'm the Slayer, that's  what I do best." Buffy said with a grin.

"In the words of my infamous cousin, Ash Williams," Xander glared hard at the female vampire before making a come-hither gesture, " _Yo, She-Bitch! Come get some!"_

Angel sighed as the vampires attacked.

***

Xander carefully walked into the bathroom. She shutthe door with a sigh and looked into the mirror over the sink. The demon ichor couldn't be mistaken for any kind of blood, it was far to thick and slimly for that-plus the fact it was a bright neon purple was also a good clue. xander had the leisure and the time to ponder the qualities of the substance because it covered her from head to toe.

Then there was the _smell._

_It was a heart shot!_ _Buffy should have been able to do it in her sleep! Giles warned her. But no, she had to do the flashy stuff to impress Deadboy! Grrrr!_ Xander growled to herself as she started the shower. She opened the cabinet under the sink, there were twenty ounce bottles Xander had stashed under there filled with a variety of things, gasoline, kerosene, sea salt, salt, bleach, peroxide and mineral oil. Xander had learned in the _Before_ that if some combination of those things didn't do the trick of getting various demon's blood off of you or your clothes? It just wasn't going to come off.

_I could live with being purple colored for a while, but goddess, the smell as to go!_


	19. Prophesy Girl

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'The Reports Of My Death Have Been Greatly exaggerated'  
> -Unknown

_Xander walked through the damp cavern urgently. It felt fuzzy and faded like a dream. She had been in this cavern before, she saw Buffy in the arms of the bat-faced vampire known as the Mast Of the Order of Aurelious. Xander could only watch frozen in horror as the vampire drained the Slayer, she could only watched further as he carelessly dropped her body into a puddle with a splash that echoed in the cavern hauntingly._

_Xander blinked as the Master morphed into a bleach blonde, blue eyed, leather coat-wearing, menace. He wiped a finger across his bloody mouth and looked at it for a moment as if didn't understand why it was covered in blood. He stuck his finger in his mouth, "mmm, tastes like chicken..._

 

Xander jerked up out of bed, her dark eyes wide with confusion, muttering,"What the hell?"

It had been a nightmare. One she had before but this time with a new ending. Xander crawled out of bed and got ready for the ready for patrol. She knew what was coming, it was not a memory she would forget. But Xander wondered if it was one she should stop? Or Is it one of those things that have to happen?

***

Giles took a drink of his tea as he read from the Codex that Angel had brought to him.

"...Yes, this is it ' **The Master shall rise and the Slayer...'"** Giles trailed off looking at he book in his hand in shock, staring at it as if it betrayed him, reaching for his cup of tea on the small table in front of him. Before he touched it thought it began to wiggle and jiggle. Giles looked at it curiously, a few moments later things on the walls began to fall off and furniture began to slid across the floor. Giles realized he was experiencing his first California earthquake. He got up and stood in the doorway, as books fell out of book cases, and the tea cup on the table, bounced across the table until it got to the edge and fell to the floor shattering.

***

Buffy had been whining to Willow about asking Angel on a date when the earthquake started, she grabbed her friend and got them under the stairs as the rest of the club goers screamed and ran around like idiots. Willow reached out to steady herself using the steps when someone came rushing down them almost stepping on Willow's fingers, she yelp softly pulling them back.

"I hope Xander's okay?" Willow muttered to Buffy and the blonde nodded in agreement.

***

Xander grunted as she nearly hit a nearby car with fogged over windows. Thankfully she missed but hit the ground hard next it. The sheer force of her landing knocked the breath out of her. She didn't have the luxury of getting it back either as the large male vampire approached her, growling.

Xander responded in kind, eyes glowing ominously with anger, Xander rolled in a reverse somersault and came up standing, ready to fight. Slowly she pulled a stake from under her black knee length leather coat. The vampire frowned when he caught sight of it and Xander smirked evilly. This infuriated the demon which caused it to launch itself at her. She didn't flinch but met it head on with a hard cresant kick to the side, followed by a high kick to it's face. Stunned, the large vampire staggered backwards leaving himself open, immediately Xander plunged her stake into the vampires heart . Without uttering a sound he fell bursting into ashes when he hit the ground.

Then the ground heaved up under Xander's feet, she swayed trying to keep her balance. She watched as the trees shook around her. Xander could hear car alarms going off in the distance.

***

Deep in the Underground of Sunnydale, a bat-face vampire stood with his arms stretched out over his head as if to embrace the quaking ground above him. When it stopped he turned to a young boy no older than six or seven that was sitting on the ground beside him, "So, what do you think? 5.1?

***

Xander sat on a bench outside in the quad, out in the bright sun light. She had promised to patrol for Buffy so she could talk to Angel about goingto the Spring fling with her. Xander had finished the much hated math homework, which still hadn't gotten any easier to do. When a shadow was cast over her, looking up she saw a dark haired boy standing before her.

"Hi, Xander..." Jonathan Levinson said, and for a moment all Xander could see was this boy's dead body laying over the seal that had freed the **First Evil Of ManKind.**

Xander took a deep breath, "Hey, Jono. What are you up too?"

Jonathan looked down at the ground then back up at her, "So..ummm. you know that dance is coming up, the Spring Fling?"

Xander's eyes widened. _This can't be going where I think it is?_

"...time for students to...oh, gods!" Jonathan muttered, "Xander? Will you go to the dance with...me?"

Xander was speechless; it was the first time a guy has asked her on a date. Most just hit on her or the really stupid ones groped her. That was usually very painful... For them.

Jonathan let of a sigh of relief, "Well, at least you didn't laugh. That's a go sign. I like you and..."

"Stop." Xander said, holding up a hand, then at the boy's confused look, "Okay, sit down." _How did Buffy do this with me? The look on his face..._ Jonathan sat down on the bench next to her, "I can't go to the dance with you."

"Oh," he said crestfallen.

"It's not you." Xander hurried to reassure him, "I had no plans to go at all."

"What about Buffy, then? Do you think she would go with me?"

Xander blinked, _Really? Are you not heartbroken? I don't think Buffy even knows who you are._ But she couldn't say that. She wasn't Cordelia after all. "No. You're not her type."

"What is?"

"Buffy likes them older?" _without a pulse,_ Xander thought meanly, "She's in this quasi-relationship with her college age tutor. It's _really_ messy and angsty. Best to stay out of that."

Jonathan nodded but still looked sad, then a thought occurred to Xander.

"What about Amy/"

Jonathan perked up at the name, "Amy?'

"Yeah, Amy Madsion? You to hang, right?"

Jonathan nodded.

"Does she had a date for the dance?"

Jonathan shook his head.

"There you go."

"Huh?" Jonathan asked.

Xander sighed, _Like talking to a wall but without the good conversation._ "Ask Amy to the dance."'

Jonathan looked thoughtful, as he got up, "You know, I think I will."

Xander sighed as she watched him leave. She had always liked Jonathan-just not in the 'go to the dance' way. Xander was still working through her boy-girl confusion issues. Xander looked up at the sky, _If you want me to go to the dance, send me a sign!_

Xander was just able to hide behind her math book as Larry walked by with a couple other members of the foot ball team.

 _That wasn't the sign I was looking for!_ Xander thought.

Later after leaving the quad Xander found herself in a empty classroom. It was the one she retreated to in the _Before_ after Buffy had rejected him, when he had asked her to the dance, _Goddess that seems like years, and years ago._ She sat on a desk throwing the same red ball at the wall. She was angry, she realized. Angry at Jonathan, for bringing up a memory she had tried to forget. The first time he, Xander had, put himself out there...Xander sighed.

Damn the Wankers That Be, to steal the phrase from Spike.

Xander blinked at the thought. _Why? Why was that vampire on her mind?_ It wasn't time for him yet, Xander knew. He was, if her memory could be trusted, still in prague with Drusilla. Xander didn't have to worry about them until October. She shook her head pushing thoughts of the blonde vampire way for now.

"Hey!"

Xander turned to see Willow standing in the doorway wearing a concerned face.

"Hey back," Xander said throwing the ball at he wali again, it hit with a loud thump then bounced back to Xander who caought it.

"Are you alright? I heard that Jonathan asked you to the dance."

"From who?" Xander asked curious.

"From _Larry._ "

"Life just sucks." Xander muttered, throwing the ball again. "I pushed Jonathan towards Amy."

"Oh, that's good. She likes him." Willow said nodding.

Xander caught the ball. "Do you want to go get some ice cream?"

Willow shook her head. "I'll see you Monday," then she walked out of the classroom.

 _Rejected by Wills again? Seems I can get anything right. That's okay. I'll just go home and listen to country music, the music of pain._ Xander thought, turning throwing the ball hard against the wall before walking out of the classroom.

Not bothering to watch as the red ball bounce wildly around the room.

 

 


	20. Prophesy Girl 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'Death... Is just the beginning...'  
> -The Mummy.

"She did what?!" Xander asked in disbelief While Ms. Calendar handed Giles an ice pack, that he put to his face. Xander knew she should have stayed in her room listening to the music of pain. She would have preferred to be listening Ms. Patsy Cline in her room rather than here in the school library.

"I thought something was going on with her,' Willow muttered.

"How did Buffy find out about this? Prophecies are not written in stone!" Xander said pacing around, "They're more like guidelines... And never make sense until too to do anything about them." _How could Giles have been so stupid to tell Buffy about  the prophesy with the Master?_ Xander wondered.

"What can we do?" Willow asked.

Giles shifted the ice pack as he said, "First we stay calm."

"Calm?" Xander snarled, "How could you let her go in the stat of mind she is most likely in!"

Giles glared at her, "As the soon-to-be purple area of my jaw will attest, I did not _just let her go."_

"How can we help Buffy," Willow asked sitting down at a table with her head in her hands.

"Uh, I'm sorry to bring this up but we have an apocalypse to worry more about." Ms. Calendar said.

"Do you mind!" Xander growled, her eyes glowing, at the teacher, who stepped back in surprise. Xander turned to Giles, "When did she join the club?"

"And why didn't we get a vote." Willow wondered.

"Hey!" Ms. Calendar, mildly insulted, barked, "Once the Master gets free? The Hellmouth opens, the demons party...and everyone dies."

"So, what." Xander said, darkly. They all looked at her as if she had lost her mind. "We all die eventually, anyway. It 's how you do that counts." Xander shook her head, "I don't have time for this. Right now, I gotta help Buffy." She turned and walked towards the door of the library.

"You don't even know where to look!" Giles shouted after her.

Xander paused at the door, "No," she said thoughtfully, "But I know someone who does."

***

Angel paced his apartment. He never should have let Buffy leave the school by herself. He knew what was in store for her once she found the Master. And he had no doubts that Buffy wouldn't find him. It was destiny...

He paused at the knock at his door then walked over to it... the scent of cinnamon, pepper and desert was what he could smell before he even opened the door. _Why is she..._ He opened the door, "Oh, look who's here," Angel said annoyed at the sight of Xander leaning against the wall, panting for breath.

Xander shot him a cold glared before straightening up, and shoving past he dark vampire, muttering, "Mind if I come in?"

"Make yourself at home." he said sarcastically in reply.

"Buffy's gone," Xander said getting to the point. "She went to the Master."

"He'll kill her!" Angel said in a half shout.

Xander rolled her eyes at him, "That's the rumor. Only _we_ aren't going to let that happen, _are we?"_

Angel snorted, "And just what do you think we can do about it?"

Xander's glare turned dark not liking the tone he used with her, "I know you can find the Master, him being family and all. Take me to him."

Angel wondered how Xander knew that, but then again the girl seemed to know a lot about things she shouldn't, so he just let that go. He let a smirk graced his lips, "The Master is out of your league, Xander. He'll kill you before you can blink. And that's if you are lucky."

Xander's eyes narrow at the remark, "How can I say this...clearly?" Xander pulled out the cross she had behind her back and held it up in front of her. That made Angel growl and stumble back in surprise at her move. Xander advanced towards him until he fell back into a chair, "we are somewhat friends at the moment, though I still don't like you very much. But Buffy? She's different, she's got a big old yen for you. She thinks you are a real person..." Xander trails off her eyes going vague and far away.

It reminder Angel of the look Drusilla would get before she had one visions.

Xander's attention suddenly snapped back to Angel as she slowly lowered the cross, "I need you to proof her right."

Angel looked at the dark haired girl in amazement. Only two things would drive a person to got to such links for another, "You love her, don't you?"

Xander sighed, shaking her head. She didn't had the time or the want to explain to Angel want Buffy meant to her, so she said, "No, she owes me twenty dollars. If she dies? I'll never get it back."

***

At the entrance of a dark underground tunnel, Buffy Summer's stood next to a small dark haired child of five or six, he pointed down the tunnel, showing her the way she had to go. Before the boy turned and walked down another tunnel. Buffy watched him for a moment before she started into the damp, dark tunnel...toward her destiny.

***

Xander followed Angel though the tunnels, he stopped at an intersection of other tunnels. Xander grimaced as a dead rat floated by in the sewer water. "That can't be sanitary," Xander muttered, Angel shushed her with a look. Angel looked in both directions as if to remember the way. He glanced toward Xander as he walked passed her.

_Time to mess with Deadboy._ Xander thought. 

Xander followed Angel who noticed the look Xander gave him in return.

"What?" Angel snarled.

"You were checking out my _neck!"_ Xander exclaimed.

"No, I wasn't!" Angel denied.

Xander walked past him, trying not to grin, as she glared, "Just keep your distance, pal."

"But I _wasn't..."_

Xander has to bite her lip to keep from laughing.

"I wasn't looking at your neck."

Xander shook her head, "Uh,uh. I told you to eat before we left."

Anfel sighed heavily.

_It's just too easy._ Xander thought with a smirk.

***

Buffy stood before the bat-faced vampire, she could feel the power radiating from him. She held her crossbow, her hands steady even though she was shaking, on him.

"You're not going to shoot me..." the Master purred.

"Don't be so sure," the Slayer said.

"you still don't understand your part in this, do you?" The Master smirked at her, "You're not the hunter. You, you are...the lamb."

Buffy glared, tightening her grip on the crossbow.

***

Xander and Angel continued to snarked at each other as they got deeper into the tunnels.

***

Ms. Calendar dug in her purse for her car keys, while she and Willow raced out of the school and into the parking lot.

"What if they get to the Bronze before we do?" Willow asked looking behind them. They had figured out that was where the vampires were going to attack the Master's rising. Willow had elected to go with Ms. Calendar to warn the people at the Spring Fling of the danger they were in.

Ms. Calendar looked up and answered, "Don't worry about that."

"Why not?"

"Cause their not going to the Bronze it seems."

"Huh?" Willow saw the hoard of vampires approaching across the field to the parking lot and to see even more block Ms. Calendar's car. They turned to go back to the school only see even more of them...they were surrounded.

"Why are they coming here?" Ms. Calendar asked.

"Not caring!" Willow said backing away, panicking.

As the vampires closed in on them things grim... there came the screech of tires as a car rammed into the vampires nearest them. The car stopped suddenly as Cordelia Chase leaned out the open driver's window, "Get in!'

Willow shoved Ms. Calendar towards Cordelia's car.

***

Buffy walked slowly around the dark, damp cavern searching for the Master, who had escaped her before, "You know, for someone all powerful. You sure do like to hide."

"I am waiting for you. I want this moment to last... I want to enjoy it.' The Master's voice floated from the darkness of the shadows as if he were a part of it.

"Well, I...don't." Buffy said, freezing as she felt someone behind her. She slowly turned, the crossbow was knocked from her hands.

The Master grabbed the Slayer by her throat.

***

A wave of power washed through out the tunnel it was by a bright light.

"It's too late!" Angel whispered horrified, "He's gone up!" Horrified by what it meant. Angel started running into the Master's lair, almost faster than Xander could see. Xander made it to top of the stone staircase, she looked down to be greeted by the sight of one of her many nightmares.

Buffy laid face down in a pool of water.

Angel pulled Buffy's body out of the water. He held close listening intently, a look of devastation crossed his face, looking up at Xander, "She's dead," he cried mournfully.

Xander was lost in a nightmare come to life. She tried to shake it off. This she knew had happened before... _If I save her... If I don't... What do I do?!! What should I do? Is this where it started? Or is that yet to come. Even with my knowledge of the 'Before' I couldn't stop this. I knew this would happen. Another has already been called. Poor Kendra. Shouldn't Buffy rest now?_ Xander took a deep breath and ran down the stairs to the vampire and dead slayer.

There was only one thing she could do.

"She's not dead, not yet."

"She's not breathing!" Angel stated.

"Oh, look who knows so much. She's not dead. She drowned; there is still a chance. Ever heard of CPR?"

Angel nodded, "But I don't...I've never.."

_Huh, I thought he'd made something up about not having any breath._ Xander thought as she knelt down next to Buffy and put her mouth over the blonde girl's and blew air into  her lungs. Then moved to Buffy's chest to start the pumping motion, "C'mon, you don't get out of this that easy!" Xander muttered as she continued CPR on the dead slayer.

***

Half way across the world at the exact moment that the Slayer's heart stopped beating, a being that proclaimed itself the very First Evil of Mankind, looked down at the new form it wore. It shook the blonde hair away from it's hazel-blue eyes looking at it's own hands admiring it's new female form, "This is new..."

"Can't rightly, say I like it," a male southern accented voice, said.

The First Evil turned to look at her favorite and most loyal follower so far. She looked fondly at the man in black clothes and a priest's collar. His cold, dark eyes glinted in the moonlight.

"You say that when ever it's a female form," the First Evil pouted.

"Don't like females, the devil's spawn, they are." The dark haired man mumbled.

"No, you don't. It's actually one of your better qualities."

The man snorted at that.

The First Evil smiled darkly at the knowledge that came with the stolen form. Every memory was the First's until moment of death. "I'm going to have a lot of fun with this..."

***

Xander repeated the CPR steps, "Breathe, damn it!"

Angel only watched the scene with sorrow.

"Damn you!" Xander yelled, breathlessly, when she finally stopped. She closed her eyes in defeat slumping over Buffy, _Is this how it ends? Before it can even begin again? Was I wrong?_ Xander open her eyes when she felt the slight movement of Buffy's chest. Xander sat up as Buffy gasped deeply for breath...

 

 

 

 

 


	21. Propshesy Girl 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 'May You Die Alone and Silent.'  
> -A curse.

As Buffy opened her eyes she turned her head and coughed up some water. Xander stroked her wet hair pulling it away from her face, as she stand up.

"Xander?"

"I knew you weren't going out like that." Xander gave the Slayer a smile.

Buffy smiled back weakly, "You would have let them bury me in a green dress,"

"Oh, come on! Not even I'm cruel."

Angel snorted at that," Next you'll be giving her a million dollars."

Xander rolled her eyes, "No, just a fur coat," she then turned to Buffy, "I told you he was hiding in the at the talent show."

Buffy giggled softly as both angel and Xander helped a still wobbly Buffy up, "The Master?"

"He's gone up," Xander told her.

Buffy tried to leave but Angel said, "No, you're too weak," trying to stop her, "You just died!"

Buffy stopped, looking at him and Xander with a strange expression on her face. "No, I... No I feel, I feel different... Stronger, let's go!" She said starting up the stonestairs.

Xander exchanged a concerned look with Angel before following the Slayer.

***

Cordelia crashed her mom's car through the doors of the school. Willow screamed instructions, while Ms.Calendar, _Was she praying?_ Cordelia wondered. Cordelia whipped the car around a corner sharply, slamming on the brakes causing the car to screech to a halt in front of the library doors. The three of them quickly got out of the car and into the library, Willow and Cordelia were able to push the doors closed as the first of the vampires began to pound on the door.

Giles rushed up to them rapidly asking Ms. Calendar questions.

Unseen by them in a corner of the library, a bright green tentacle wormed its way up through a crack in the floor.

***

Buffy marched determinedly forward with Xander and Angel close behind. It hadn't taken them long to get to the surface and make their way to the school.

"So, tell me again, how do you know where the Master will be?" Xander asked.

"I just know." Buffy snarled.

Xander rolled her eyes, "I know the sky is blue and grass. But that doesn't tell me where bat-face is."

"I just know.." Buffy looked over her shoulder, frowning, "How did you know he had bat-face?"

Xander, realizing her mistake, she distracted the Slayer with, "Oh, look!" pointing at the male vampire blocking their way into the school.

"A bad guy," Buffy purred as she punched the vampire knocking him flat on his back. Xander dropped a stake point first over it's heart it exploded into dust as they passed it. They entered the school and soon came to the stairs that lead up to the roof. "Okay," Buffy said, "you two wait here and keep the rest of the vampires off me."

Angel stepped forward but Buffy held up a hand, "Don't. This is something I have to do. And in my own way."

Angel nodded, though he didn't look happy about it. Buffy continued up the stairs but paused when she heard Xander say curtly, "Put your game-face on!" Buffy peered over the edge of the stair well to see Angel do as ordered, and watched as Xander grinned manically, "One way or another this shouldn't take long."

Angel muttered a reply, and Xander smirked at him her eyes glinting eerily in the darken shadows of the room. Buffy smiled to herself and kept going up to the roof.

On the roof, the Master looked over the town that was to be his once more. He walked over to the skylight and looked down into the library below, at the humans scrambling  around like mice, "My new world," he whispered, in amusement as one of the humans got an axe and slammed it into the tentacle of the creature trying to gain entrée, "Yes, come forth, my child. Come into my world..."

"It's not yours yet!"

The Master spun at the voice and his eyes widened when he saw the slayer he had all but drained. "You're dead!"

"I may be dead, but I'm still pretty," Buffy smirked, "Which is more than I can say for you." as she walked up to him.

The old vampire growled at the insult, "You were destined to die! It was written!"

"What can I say," Buffy told him with a careless shrug, "thanks to Xander, I failed the written."

The master growled again and reached out a hand to try to use his hypnosis on the slayer like he had before he killed her the first time. Buffy grabbed his hand spun and flipped the Master over her shoulder, onto the skylight, which shattered under the force of the Master hitting it.

Buffy watched as the Master was impaled on a large piece of wooden debris that had landed on the table and the Master had landed on the wood. Buffy let out a sigh of relief at the sight. She left the roof and met back up with Angel and Xander who were finishing up there own fight with some vampires.

"...said about talking?" Buffy heard Angel say, she watched as a female vampire jumped on Xander's back. And a male came at Angel, the ensuing fight was short, and Angel staked the vamp quickly. Xander flung her head back, crushing the nose of the she-vamp making her lose her grip on Xander and falling to the floor cupping her nose protectively. Xander spun on her assailant and pulled a stake from the sheath, Buffy knew Xander wore under her leather jacket and staked the female vamp who dusted cursing Xander.

Not long after that the three make their way into the library in time to hear Gils ask, "The vampires?"

"Dead," Cordelia... _wait_ _Cordelia?_ Buffy wondered why the popular girl was a apart of this, but was distracted when Angel asked about the Master.

"Dead, way dead by the looks of it," Xander said looking at the bones that were all that was left of the Master.

"The Hellmouth is still thankfully closed..."Giles trailed off, "Buffy?"

Buffy turned her attention from staring at the pile of bones of her murderer to her Watcher, "Sorry, it's been a weird day."

"Yeah, Buffy died and saved the world, all in one night," Xander said.

Buffy could hear the pride in Xander's voice for Buffy, she only gave Xander a slight smile.

"Well, what do we do now?" Asked Ms. Calendar.

"I..I would like to get out of here," Giles said softly, "I find I don't like the library at the moment."

"Hey!" Cordelia said brightly, "I here there's a dance at the Bronze." she turned to Buffy, "And that dress deserves to be seen!"

"Could be fun," Willow said eyeing Cordelia as if she had never seen the girl before, making a confused face at Xander.

"Buffy?" Xander asked, when Buffy said nothing but looked a t the bones of the Master.

Buffy blinked, "Yeah, sure. We saved the world, I say we party." she looked down at her half dried dress, and smiled shyly at Angel, "I did get all pretty and everything."

"What about him," Ms. Calendar asked pointing at the bones.

"I don't think he's going anywhere." Xander told her.

"Loser," Buffy sneered at the remains bitingly.

_So, it starts..._ Xander blinked at the  tone of Buffy's voice. Xander slowly followed the others as the left the library talking about what had happened and the dance. Xander stopped in the doorway and looked back at the bones of the Master, _Huh, I wonder if this is where they would cue the theme music, drop the curtains and roll the credits?_

Xander shrugged, and closed the library doors behind her with a hard click.

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> My Tumblr: lln3dseethelight.tumblr.com  
> Come talk to me


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